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Post by 2old on May 21, 2021 6:34:09 GMT -5
Before 5 a.m. every morning I hop out of bed And to the pantry, by the dog I am led. She's not wanting a bone or a special treat. She's just wanting her regular breakfast to eat.
I open the large container in which we keep her dry dog food. She's prancing around, spinning in circles, in a good mood. As I reach for the dipper to ration out her daily helping She begins a high-pitched, "wake the neighborhood" yelping.
Before I can react and pull my hand back from the container of food I am suddenly aware of what she sensed... what changed her carefree mood. The container's interior is crawling with worms... long... each three inches or four! I dropped the scoop and container spreading dog food and worms all over the floor!
The dog was howling and jumping... she was wanting out the back door. Evidently she knew what was happening with the worms on the floor. The old adage we heard "... an Army of worms..." fit the predicament taking place. They were crawling up my pantlegs and soon I felt some crawling on my face.
The poor dog was completely covered, the worms stripping the hair from her back. She ran through the house trying hard to avoid the worms' attack. My wife was now screaming, she had still been asleep in our bed When she was awakened by dozens of worms crawling all over her head.
As they moved through the house, the worms devoured pile from our carpet, stripping it bare. Crawling critters... eating and growing... and spreading through the house, everywhere! The wife is still screaming, the dog now howling in pain... not one hair left on her back. We were in the middle of some exotic crawling creatures on the attack.
By now the worms had grown to at least six inches... or maybe even eight. They all had red and yellow stripes that began to glow the more that they ate. Bulges were beginning to show in the yellow stripes... bumps... ugly looking things. And from those bulges began to sprout funny looking wings!
Thousands of these worms began to grow wings and take flight Out through an open window and darkening the sky as they flew out of sight. Stripping leaves from trees as they flew across town Flying low and fast along streets and sidewalks, knocking pedestrians down.
The Army base close was putting choppers in the air, machine guns blazing blowing worms from the sky When suddenly I felt something wet and slobbery trying to open my right eye. It was our dog trying to wake me... I was surprised she was well and had her full coat of hair. My wife was upset with me because I, evidently, had another nightmare!
No worms... No Army... no ruined carpet... no pedestrians laid flat. I was still covered in sweat as in my bed I just sat. Thank goodness it was nothing but a dream, still leaving my heart beating fast. But, I survived the crawly worms and... as always... am first to post last!!!
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Post by Weezer on May 23, 2021 20:58:40 GMT -5
oh my gosh, 2old.you have that special knack for telling those nightmare stories to unfold . if only i had that special talent of yours. i would quickly Write to make a book of 2Olds.. with that spectacular talent of telling those scary yet so "funny Episodes of Nightmares" of yours!! It could be caused by something you ate that night, to bring such amazing and funny stories of fright?? i love to read them tho, they bring tears of laughter to my eyes.. so still thinking there must be something you eat before you go to sleep . sometimes dreams are so funny and some that give me the Creeps!!! But all are precious and dear to me because they give me a good laughs at night i can go to bed and think of those nightmare stories of yours and find myself laughing my self to sleep!! and i always wake up in a very good mood thanks to you and your stories and now i love to come here to get some laughs. ' You have never failed and Jaila too, she is doing very well we learned from the master of Poetry , and not the master of disaster!! i yearn for the stories of his golfing days with his buddies.. funny stories indeed..and with such poetical penmanship speed! well just wanted to stop by and came for a good laugh , 2old never fails us ..i just wish he knew how talented he really is . and i am anxious to find out if he's going to be the last to post this New Years eve! if he is,, look out ! cuz i may have to heave..! Attachment Deleted tonight is Weezers last night to post indeed!!!!
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Post by 2old on May 24, 2021 21:12:27 GMT -5
Sittin' here this evenin', just the dog and the wife and me Watching Roy Rogers and Dale Evans chasing bad guys on the tv I think of the stories I could tell about the old west When it came to gunslingers... I was one of the best.
Wyatt and Virgil and Morgan Earp chased me out of Tombstone. The Youngers kicked me outta their gang and sent me on my own. Rode with the Dalton boys, helpin' them hold up a bank or two. Never wanted to trust Jesse and Frank and the James crew.
Slappin' leather, stayed quick with my Colt .45 And, the old Winchester 30-30 helped keep me alive. Gunfights on Front Street at high noon in Dodge City That I had my picture in every post office was a pity.
Dance hall girls in the Long Branch saloon hung on my arm. They knew they was purty and I wouldn't do them no harm. Never treated a lady bad, that wasn't in my upbringin' Didn't want no lady wantin' revenge when from the gallows I was swingin'!
From Abilene to Dodge to San Antonio every law officer knew my face. They all wanted to arrest me and, in their jail, take up some space. I was smarter than most and slick as an old eel... always gettin' away To hold up banks and stages and add notches to my gun most every single day.
Now that you know you ain't safe in the same county as me I'll just saddle up my horse, grab my bedroll, and say goodbye to thee. She's just a young filly, but she's got good breedin' and she's very fast. Faster than any horse I've had from the first to the last.
Ain't gonna do no "High Yo Silver" like the Lone Ranger as he rides away. But I'll be back to rhyme here, might be night or might be day. My horse and my dog and my Sharps 45-70 shouldn't give you good folk any fear. For I'll be back to be the one who is first to post last by the end of this year.
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Post by Weezer on May 26, 2021 18:13:08 GMT -5
Well finally made it back to my favorite hole i call it a hole cuz sometimes i feel like a mole Searching around the house looking for those little things , i call dust bunnies. guessing they run rampid in our house at night when i awake every morning i see this awful signt!! dust bunnies trying their bet to hide like little mice that you see outside! so i got to my kitchen closet and get my handy dandy Dust bunny catch net.!! i have to get down on my knees. cuz under the couch if i hear a sneeze i know they bunnies are hiding there as i can sometimes hear them sneeze !! so i take my net and make one long swoop under the couch and and sometimes i hear "ouch" but i give it another good felt swoop under the couch Low and behold i have caught them all at the end of my dust bunny net pole.. then i tell them im going to let you all free, yep .out the door ya'll go , your free , your free! hehehheee.. little do they know they are not coming back , im going to make sure, and thats a fact Jack! well i hope to return and hope ya'll keep this game going . And hope our world will be free of covid.. i hear its losing its zip. and soon it will be gone. just like other colds and flu's we endure each season .. thats a fact check Jack !, so im here to tell you i will be back again soon, and by that time there will be no more doom and gloom, Im the last to post !!!. What do you know, bout time old weezer is recognized as the Last old pro rhymes.. And hope to see you tomorrow ..is my plan. and hope to see Jaila, our new friend here too.. ...!!
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Post by 2old on May 29, 2021 15:03:52 GMT -5
Well, I found it! Found the roacheasl nest! Ain't tellin' a soul, keeping the location close to my vest. Someone done crossed an old cockroach with a weasel it seems And the result is something that will haunt your lifelong dreams!
They have the hard shell and body of a plain old roach... dirty, too. Seems they have the disposition of a weasel and ain't the least bit scared of you. Our layin' hens thought they was just another bug, grabbin' them with their beak. When all of a sudden them thar old hens would let out an earsplitting shriek.
Ain't never seen a bug lookin' thing consume an entire chicken Stripped to the bones... feathers, feet, head, and skin! Only thing left of them old hens was the gizzard layin' on the ground. Them crosses between insect and varmint are quiet... never makin' a sound!
They's fast, 'cause I've tried to shoot 'em with the old .410 By the time I pull the trigger the shot goes to where they used to have been! Neighbors is a havin' trouble dealin' with these critters, I guess. Gettin' in their house and leaving the kitchen in quite a mess.
They's so big, they're draggin' pots and pans outta the drawer under the stove. Cooking their own meals, cleanin' out the cupboards and pantry, by Jove! Once they leave there's roacheasl droppin's all over the floor. Sticky stuff, impossible to sweep outta the back door!
Headed to Walmart in my truck as fast as it would go Got me some of that 'glow in the dark' Play Dough! Mixed in some hamburger and set the Play Dough burgers outside on a plate Before long here came the critters and everyone of them burgers they ate!
Way past my bedtime, really late and the moon was shining bright The glow-in-the-dark burgers in the tummies of them critters was quite a site. Followed 'em with my trusty shotgun and a can of gasoline... matches too! And when I found their nest we had ourselves an old fashioned roacheasl barbeque!!
I hear the town's mayor is gettin' ready to give me the key to our City. That we had to set fire to them critters is such a pity. If'n you ain't never smelled the odor of burnt Play Dough and burger meat combined I'm here to tell you it'll make your eyes water so bad y'all will think you're goin' blind!
Why, that mess of burnt roacheasels can be smelled nigh up to 10 miles downwind, I hear And what it has done to my own sense of smell is something I really fear. What it ain't accomplished, though, is taintin' my ability to forecast That 2old will be the winner in 2021 of who is first to post last!!!!
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Post by Weezer on Jun 6, 2021 10:26:39 GMT -5
Bugs, Roaches and Play Dough O'My!!! would never want anything like that hit my eye! But we do have Ants.. and not Ants in our pants!
whenever it rains, i can sadly proclaim those tiny ants are marching into our kitchen again!! But im ready and waiting ,with ant traps to begin
Luring the little buggers to enter the traps to drink the sweet potion they will leave them dying on their backs!!
anywho, Time flies when your having fun been outside and in the sun.planting beans and carrots and pretty flowers of blue.
The weather warm then cool at night and when i go to bed, i get a good nights sleep especially when im counting a lot of sheep!
My old Rose bush is still giving me the biggest flowers and my 37yr old cactus is blooming again too. i've noticed this year she is getting a kink in her back!
Looks like she is showing her age as her flowers she makes, are not as many as they use to be.and what ever babies she makes i usually take and put them in pots in hope they too will produce a lot of flowers for the sun to bake.
but i do have some babies i have picked off in the past and they are growing bigger too, it will be a sad day wnen the momma dies away. Ive given her the best of care any cactus could have any day..
well its time to go. to bad this game is not a favorite to most. but too bad for them when as they are missing the fun , of reading 2old's famous poetic funny posts
we time to go , will be back again soon just have to dust off my tiny little broom so willy say good day to my best fiends that post here the most. Old Weezer will be back soon again to post that im the last one here ,yes i love to boa
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Post by 2old on Jun 8, 2021 21:03:42 GMT -5
Everyone has deserted us... Everyone is gone! They've all left us and disappeared hither and yon. I don't have halitosis and I use deodorant every day at dawn. I'm beginning to believe a line in the sand has been drawn.
My friend, Weezer, is the only one still competing in this contest. She has tried... and really excelled... putting her mind to the test. What a good job she has done to make rhymes and tell tales on this thread. Don't think she ever believed she had all this talent in her head.
I thought I was invincible... no one could keep up with me as I rhyme. 2old would outlast all the competition and post last just in time. Today, I have my doubts! My confidence is broken! My mind is a mess! The stark reality of my losing haunts my dreams, I must now confess.
There are rhymes to be posted before this year comes to an close. Friend Weezer and I will be here still bantering, I suppose. As the sun begins to set on this year, I can see in the crystal ball. At the last minute hundreds of posters will fight for the trophy so tall.
Television vans will be there, showing the crowd of posters vying for the prize. Never in a rhyming competition has a crowd been this size! The Blue Angels will fly over leaving vapor trails in the air. As the chimes ring at midnight, one rhymer will win by just a hair.
The dedicated souls... those who have fought the fight from beginning to end To the masses of closeted competitors one message to you we send. When the chips are on the table and the cards have all been dealt, players bets have been cast It will be Weezer or 2old winning the trophy for being first to post here last.
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Post by Weezer on Jun 16, 2021 20:31:59 GMT -5
Well, i'll be dogged and i'll be danged.. but first off i have to give 2old maybe a helping hand sometimes this funny old man friend of mine , sometimes steps over the red lines!!! Leaving me scratching my old head at times.. Then before i know it , im laughing like a Hyena at his rhymes.. Wonder where everyone has gone??. would be sad to have this game die away.. im sure it use to be very popular and played every day!! but see now who is left, just me and 2old left out in the cold no one cares. no one cares anymore to step up and be bold! wouldn't it be sad if no one wanted to be last ? i would hate for this very famous game to end would hate for none of us to fight to the end.. This once popular and most played game in the beginning is now flat on its back , no one here to claim to be the Last cept me and 20ld ,, like we did way back in the past..! i will have to invite Jaila back here again.. she is more of a game player and she loves to win,, anywho i will let her know she is missed and we need her here too so we don't have wait for her no moe..!! well time for Weezer to say those famous those two famous words. "Im Last" and i had a blast but getting older is the only thing that will make me LAST !! see ya'll soon.. I'm really not a cartoon.. !!!
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Post by 2old on Jun 17, 2021 12:45:44 GMT -5
Well, Weezer , you competitor is a man with a feeble mind. I promised to reply 10 days ago and what do I find? Scatterbrained that I am, I must of plumb forgot! This old brain needs put out to pasture to disappear and rot. Honestly, though, I've been caught up in task after task Of which I'll explain so you don't have to ask. My peeps are trying to have me run for President in twenty-twenty four. They think I'd look in place when walking in the White House front door. To run for President, though, I'd have to give up my job with the CIA. I asked my wife and she seems, with that, to be okay. If I do give up my job with the intelligence agency Will the FBI still want to employ me? My platform is being designed that I'll use in my campaign. It will be concise and written in words extremely plain. Everyone will be required to get along with each other, no matter who! And, the winner of "Last To Post" each year will have big money due. Half the population will be required to learn to crochet. The other half can knit, and that's just okay. With millions crocheting and knitting there will be no need for garments made overseas. With hooks in our hands we will no longer need corporate manufacturers, if you please. I can just hear the cheers as I walk each morning to the first tee When through my golf shorts they see things that no one should ever see!!!! Knitted wool golf shorts might be a little sticky on the Fourth of July. But, I'll be stretching the yarn as I watch my golf ball take off and fly. Weezer will be Secretary of Hookers and Needlers, for which she is qualified. Private jets and limos will be there to give her a ride. My wife will be Vice President, since I can't do anything without asking her. She will meet with the Secretary of Hookers and Needlers so that they concur. My Presidency is still in the planning stages, I have a couple years to get it complete. It'll be great when in the Capitol to have Congress bowing at my feet. So... promise me your vote or you are disqualified from this game... fast! Won't make much difference, though, as 2old is always first to post last.
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Post by formerlyme on Jun 21, 2021 19:44:45 GMT -5
Hmmmm.....looks like I've got this thread all to myself for now.....which means I can claim Last Place...for now!
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Post by 2old on Jun 22, 2021 15:15:44 GMT -5
Pull up a chair. Sit on the floor! formerlyme just walked in the door. We welcome her back and I must tell you why 'Cause with only a couple posting this entire thread could just die! Now, we can't have this thread going away Leaving no "first to post last" game to play! The trophy will be mine, no other person will it claim. We need y'all posting to enhance 2old's fame! I come from a lineage of poets and writers longer than your arm. Some of them are buried in graves on my family farm. Shakespeare... we called him "Bill" is buried under the pear tree. Thoreau... "Theo"... is on that rise to the west you can see. Bill and Theo were cousins, two or three times removed I'm sure. Edgar Alan Poe was an uncle whose poetry was so pure. Emerson... "Ralphie"... didn't like being called by that name. He favored the "Waldo"... at least that's what he did claim. Their headstones are aged, worn smooth by winds pushing tumbleweed across the prairie. The epitaphs and dates on some are unreadable... very difficult to see. One of these days I must order new stones for all these writers of old. There are many more on our property, or so I've been told. I'm certain you all believe I'm related to these writers who have made history. And, I'm certain you now understand the writing talent they passed on to old me! If you dare not trust my truthfulness and my story leaves you aghast Just remember to bow when in 2021 it's 2old who is first to post last!!!!
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Post by formerlyme on Jun 22, 2021 17:12:51 GMT -5
Winning isn't everything, but it is a very good thing. I'm not much at writing long tomes, but Last place feels good in my bones.
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Post by 2old on Jun 23, 2021 11:48:18 GMT -5
Do not think you have to post in rhyme. We're just appreciative of your posting time Posting and attempting to win this contest Putting your staying power to the test.
The goal of this competition is just to have a good time. I enjoy the chance to post my replies in prose and in rhyme. No idea why, the rhyming is something we've begun Other than another means of having some good, clean fun.
Now... I might also stray from the truth in my rhyme and prose. I've taken for granted that's okay... I suppose. The making myself post in some sort of verse Keeps working the mind so the emptiness up there doesn't get any worse!!!
It all boils down to who is still posting at midnight on New Years Eve. Once the clock strikes twelve all of us can take some leave. One... Only one will be crowned the champion and receive the prize. It will may be someone sneaking in and posting a surprise.
New Years Eve is the end of December and we're only yet to June. The winner won't be crowned, or even known, very soon. The secret is protected... the winner's name kept under lock and key. I'm the only one to know the first to post last will always be little old me!!!!!
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Post by Weezer on Jul 5, 2021 15:58:28 GMT -5
Well what do ya know, if it ain't my old pal 2old.. ain;t seen him in so long. could hardly recognize his old face and his rain barrel suit making him look he wearin' a Brown wooden colored Zuit Suit!
Yep its him by Golly!! and he still is lookin' so jolly!! nows the time to tell ya'll why im here, im here to tell ya , ive not got the flu, just only took a fall on my little old tutu..
Im fine and dandy now , feel like a million bucks! no Aches , no pains , not many claims to fuss.... And have gotten over my foot slippin' on 2olds dern golf ball!
How did that happen? well here how think it happened, I had a dream that 2old was golfin' in my back yard he slap the ball and it hit the stone wall very hard !! Then it bounced on my window ledge. which i had open prior going to bed,,
anywho , next morning i wake up and my cat slippers on.. headed to the door and slipped and fell on a suspecious looking golf ball!! But luckily i did not need any stitches.
however, i knew right then it had to be 2old again , That was when he hit the golf ball and it went East instead of south! I could hear him yell as the ball flew in the window of my house!!
of course this is all a lie.. just wanted to see if that old guy would want to join me and have some old fashion Pumpking pie!!
but he will have to wait til i return and do some catching up as soon as i return,, And hope ya'll had a Happy belated 4th of July.. was the most beautiful sight at night in the sky!! i will be back soon....{{{{hugs to ya'll}} By by by!!and i'm last im Last, hee hee
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Post by 2old on Jul 10, 2021 15:35:48 GMT -5
It's been a while since I've tried to tell a tale by rhyme So be patient if this takes some time. The body is feeble. The mind is weak. It may be difficult the correct words to seek!
Just got back from vacation... four guys and four gals. Cousins and siblings and spouses who, believe it or not are very good pals. The guys enjoy playing golf and hit the golf course each day. The gals find they enjoy shopping, gossiping, and that's okay.
Evening meals are together with constant arguments and discussion over where to dine. I really don't care since no matter what is chosen suits me just fine. Some get pretty vocal over whether Mexican, Asian, or American cuisine. The discussions can get heated and, sometimes, even a little mean.
Eventually the choice is announced and, of course, the ladies are always victorious. We guys know which side our bread is buttered on, so we behave... of course. The last evening we were there, one of the ladies was in a snit. In fact when she didn't care for the eating choice she threw quite a fit.
She was the chauffer of the ladies for the time we were in our vacation town. Her husband, my wife's brother, can be an antagonistic clown. After dinner we all traveled to a mall just a few blocks away... or a little more. The gals went their way to look at shoes while us guys headed to a sporting goods store.
We guys were finished first and were headed back to the motel for the night. The brother-in-law pulled a fast one, evidently wanting to start a little fight. He had a set of keys for his wife's vehicle... the one the ladies used for their ride. He started the vehicle up and moved it to the mall's opposite side.
Before we arrived at the hotel, his wife was calling him... screaming in the phone beyond belief. She was convinced their car had been stolen by some nasty automobile thief. Before calling her husband she had dialed 911 and had officers already by her side. Her husband was speechless as he said that back to the mall we better take a ride.
The police were not happy about the joke he played on his wife, the poor dear. He was threatened with arrest and jail. He was shaking and trembling with fear. The officer was not smiling. You could tell he wasn't happy and appeared stern and gruff. "I'm not arresting you. What you will have to deal with at home will be punishment enough!"
The next morning when we headed home, I knew the ride would seem like forever... Oh so long. The brother-in-law and his wife still weren't talking and the silence was louder than a clanging gong! They've been married since 1977 but for his deed she would make him pay. Would be a long time before such an evil prank he would ever play.
Okay! Now the first part of this rhyme... that we were on vacation is true as true can be. The last about the prank is just a tale stimulated by the the author... that's me! The brother-in-law wouldn't dare pull such a stunt on the wife that has put up with him for years. He is entirely too thoughtful and kind to ever, purposely, bring her to tears.
You've read this far and I hope I had you "hooked" with the story about the prank. And I'm glad I had this opportunity to give your chain a little yank. If you haven't noticed, as I end this story... bring to a close this rhyme. As always 2old is first to post last and will be EVERY time!!!!!
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