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Post by 2old on Aug 27, 2021 15:13:41 GMT -5
I still have trouble understanding the English language and it's use of words.
Why can't we have a language as simple as with animals or with birds.
We communicate assuming others understand us no matter what we say.
That challenging communication is even present in this golf game that I play.
With wind blowing into our face, one of our group says "This will be a long hole today!"
A "long hole" is just a tunnel, my friend, no matter what you say!
If a hole is "long" it would just be deep... vertical... straight down through the turf.
A deep hole is vertical, not horizontal following the curvature of the earth.
From a few yards, someone says they will "chip" the ball to a green.
Now, a really "chipped" ball... missing a piece... is something I've never seen.
There are many golf balls chopped into pieces by mowers cutting grass.
To actually "chip" a modern golf ball with a club would take some mighty muscle mass!
When I "drive" a ball from the tee, do I just propel it in a forward direction?
If I tried to steer the ball with a steering wheel, can you imagine the reaction?
Successful people have lots of "drive" to accomplish many great things through their life.
If I depended on my mental state to "drive" a golf ball, I'm afraid I'd suffer great strife!
Golf clubs of old had funny names like "mashie" and "baffler" and "rut iron", I'd told.
Even though my hair has turned gray, to have ever played with those clubs... NO! I'm not that old!
After hitting our "drive" we often use a fairway "wood" that is made of titanium or of steel.
Now, why would we call that club a "wood" if that material's definition wasn't even real??
And, here in the States we put tires and packages and, hopefully no dead bodies, in our auto's trunk.
Over in the British areas, it's the "bonnet" of their auto that catches the same sort of junk.
Back to the U.S. and a "bonnet" is what the fancy ladies used to wear when going outside.
So, is a "bonnet" something for your head or a part of the car in which you take a ride?
Ladies named Louise are often just called "Lou". And gentlemen named Louis or Lewis are called "Lew", too.
Those Brits that seem to ruin English, when relieving themselves, say they are going to use the "loo".
If someone, then, called Lou... or Lew... likely to be mistaken for a restroom, isn't that a mess?
Almost as bad as the person named "John" which is also the name for a restroom, I guess!!
Can you understand how difficult it must be to decipher what we are really saying to each other
If you are talking or writing communication to your long lost English brother!
Guess it's no more confusing, though, than this game we use to author prose and rhyme
Where we compete for being first to be last... Knowing 2old will win that prize this time!!!!
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Post by Weezer on Aug 28, 2021 13:23:40 GMT -5
You can drive a ball into a hole 2old but you cannot putt a ball into a cement wall.. and i bet your the best golfer of them all!! i use to play Miniture Golf. Mainly kids with one adult.. i found the game quite fun even tho it was so dern hot in the sun! And even to this day ,, I play Golf games on the internet , but you have to use a steady club or one false move and you lose!! im pretty good most days thou.. but still im no Pro.. Well time to run. i have chores to do.. Laundry, dusting and include washing kitchen floor too. If you owed a cat , you would know that finding dust bunnies seem to be everywhere i go!! i can't seem to win for losin' but i will be fine, you see its the exercise i get to lose some weight!! Well time for me to finish my work and maybe put on some coffee to perk.. and have me a piece of Chocolate cake! so here is my Last post !! It's exciting to be #1 along with being.... The Last To Post !!!  |
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Post by 2old on Aug 29, 2021 15:58:51 GMT -5
It's 3:22 on this fantastic afternoon
And I need to begin typing and rhyming soon.
The competition will be last to post... and not me
If I procrastinate anymore, don't you see.
It's 3:23 on this afternoon, finally the weather has cooled down.
Watching the hurricane coverage in Louisiana, winds battering town after town.
Hoping the people there have heeded the warning to escape the storm
And soon be able to see their lives return to some semblance of norm.
It's 75 degrees, after seeing triple digits for the entire past week.
Temperatures like today our old bodies have sought to seek.
We just don't tolerate the excessive heat like we did years ago
When we were young and active and could care less how high the temps did go.
It's Sunday afternoon and the house is fragrant from a roast in the crockpot.
Wifey going to add potatoes and carrots in a while as an afterthought.
She left me all alone for an entire week, returning on this past Friday.
Went with three of her "girlfriends" on a vacation... a getaway.
One has a condo where they can go and spend a week gossiping and cackling non stop.
A week away when none of them have to do laundry, vacuum, or push a mop.
One is a widow, one a divorcee, and the other two still putting up with their guys.
Turning all four of them loose... together... I sometimes wonder if is wise!!
My wife was never as "social butterfly" over the many years we've been wed.
She has been busy with work and family and home duties instead.
Since she retired, she has found this group of ladies that have given her relief.
The ladies have been excellent for her emotional health, is my belief.
The "group" includes more than this four. To go on the trip this year, the others weren't able.
Each Monday and Thursday, they get together for coffee at Panera... a reserved sign on their table.
They share recipes, talk about local events, and... I'm sure... some things I don't want to know.
It gives her a chance to listen to someone besides me... which may be the main reason she wants to go!!!
For an entire week, I had to fend for myself for my meals... but I made it through.
I didn't burn the house down, poison myself, or have to make a phone call to EMS rescue.
Even though I've proved to myself I can get along without her around
I do believe I'll keep her since she's the best blessing I could have ever found!!!
Enough of my talking about this past week.
It's not sympathy or compassion that I seek.
It's 3:55 in the afternoon and the day is fleeting past
As, once again... as always... 2old is first to post last!!!!
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Post by Weezer on Aug 30, 2021 14:38:24 GMT -5
Once again and as always your the first to post last, 2Old.. if you don't mind me being so bold. i too have plans to end my Post to you 2Old. you see my time is limited today but not that i wanted it to be that way but ive got clothes in the drier that are calling for me to fold !! This weather of late is very scary with Tornado's scouring the sky may have to run for cover, and i do not want to die!! but i will return as usual tomorrow. hope the day will be nice and that i will not be drinking my tea with lots of ice!! but before i leave and disappear , i just want you to know that i just wanted to ply some games and chat and visit and say hello! but now i must go.and will be back again Good Lord willin' tomorrow !!.. Weezer will again be the Last to post !!!  !! |
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Post by 2old on Aug 31, 2021 20:32:23 GMT -5
Hello! Yoohoo! Are you there?
Where have you gone? I swear!!!
I'm sick and tired of this hiding out
Leaving me alone to sit and pout!
These days are long enough when you are home.
They are twice as long when you decide to roam!
You ignore my feelings! You don't care about me at all!
Just up and go whenever you want, making me feel worthless and small!
Why can't you put yourself in my place instead of treating me so bad?
I've about had it with you and your lack of consideration! I'm mad!!!
Over the years, I've been the one in this family always in a good mood.
You're ruined that! Because of you I've depressed. You need sued!!
Is it too late for you to think of anyone but yourself?
Do you think I'm some inanimate object sitting on a shelf?
All these years I've tried to give you only my best
And, now you've ripped the heart right out of my chest!
What's that?? I hear the garage door opening as you come back to me.
Do I meet you in a surly mood or feint some imaginary state of glee?
My emotions are mixed. I really want to like you, but you make that difficult to do.
I know. You've fed me and given me shelter. That much is true.
I know there are things you have to do that require leaving me alone.
You could at least show your empathy by bringing me a bone.
My tail is wagging! I can't stop it! I'm really glad you're home at last.
Please play fetch for a few minutes before telling the world you are first to post last!!!!
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Post by Weezer on Sept 1, 2021 17:06:34 GMT -5
Ha ha ahah!! haaha.. you had me for a few minutes there 2Old thought it was your wife at first but just a golden oldie.. Your clever , your unique, i believe your at your peak! a Star is Born, If you Listen to what i say,!!! 2OLD , you will be famous one day! You have the knowledge in your full blown Brain ! You could make millions of dollars in fortune and fame but you seem not aware of your inborn poetic brain ! Your a shy old guy ? Maybe that is why ? You will never know you could become the most popular Poetic Guy! You could be living in a mansion or even a castle in France!! On the top floor in a room of your own with your beautiful wife! writing more and more of your very famous Poems Well its time to go , time seems to fly by quicker every day after day, only thing is im getting older and sometimes sicker,, and there is no way for me to slow down the day 's, until the day i pass away... but for now its time to say what i came here to say Im the Last one to Post. and this just made my Day!! |
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Post by 2old on Sept 7, 2021 17:43:35 GMT -5
What am I doing here? It's damp, dark, and dank.
It really feels and smells like I'm in a mossy old stock tank.
I can't stand, even though I've tried, 'cause it's slick.
Even trying to stand at all with your feed tied would be a trick.
Hands tied behind and my feet bound together
I'm freezing to death in this cold winter weather!
Nothing to drink and nothing to eat since I don't know when.
By this time tomorrow, they will be contacting my next of kin!
Even if I could scream, there is probably no one to hear.
It must be just me and the kidnappers, at least that's what I fear.
What do they want? I'm not a hostage that is a millionaire.
Nor do I have wealthy friends and families with money to spare.
Somewhere I hear a dog barking and what sounds like a rooster's crow.
Wouldn't that mean it's early morning and dawn is soon to show?
With daylight will I be able to see where I am
And begin to think about how to get out of this jam?
Is there any hope? Do I have a chance to survive?
Will I ever return to home and family... still alive?
I must not give up hope! I just have to stay alert.
My goodness! My body is rebelling and I really hurt!
I hear footsteps approaching. My mind races wondering... friend or foe.
If the kidnappers, where will they take me? Where will I go?
Thunder and lightning in the distance adds to my fear.
I'm so scared that, believe it or not, I can't even shed a tear.
At least that's what I assume is going through his head
This moron that we we kidnapped right from his bed.
He didn't resist. Of course the ketamine we injected helped with that.
Took three of us to carry him here, he's so obese... fat!
Soon, he will be conscious enough to be informed of his fate.
There's no option other than agreeing in his imprisoned state.
It's not money we're after from this teacher of English lit.
For the next few months at a desk with a laptop he will sit.
I have no time to keep posting on this "Forum Games" site.
So, I just kidnapped someone who I know will do it right!
Yes, I now have a ghost writer who will be rhyming in my stead
As the screen name of 2old is first to post last giving me cred.
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Post by Weezer on Sept 7, 2021 18:40:12 GMT -5
hee, haa and hohoho more belly laughs for me to take home and show.. your quite the Actor Mr. 2old..but you are so bold also a Man with a good heart, Our one and only ,, 2old.! Today the heat is not so bad, been in the nineties most all of this very long summer! EGad!! Makes doing anything outside feel like im continually wrapped up in a heating pad!! Yep,even thou its in the 70's it feels so good along with a nice little breeze that seem to whisper Louise!! but all in all, the summer is gone so now to look forward cleaning summers flower pots and pack them up away in our two car Garage. Well not much going on here ,same ole same ole watching our hummers fly around their little feeders does give me pleasure but filling their food bottles do keep me busy, soon they will be leaving us and head for Mexico and Central America. hard to believe the flying they do, so tiny so petite just hope and pray they all make it to their destination maybe its how they all take a vacation !! ok time to go , its getting late just need tell ya'll im the last to to shut the gate to be the Last one to post!!  Attachments:
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Post by 2old on Sept 10, 2021 15:55:09 GMT -5
Get off my back!!!
Get back on track!!
Quit it now! I've had enough!
Look at yourself. You're not that tough!
Lose the attitude!
Get over yourself, Dude!
Don't let the door hit you!
If you come back, better bring a crew!
I won't beat around the bush callin' you out!
Won't be long and "Uncle" is what you will shout.
You'll be on your knees beggin' mercy from me.
So, you better dump the attitude and take this chance to flee!
Saddle your horse and ride off into the sunset.
Ain't heard one thing makin' sense outta your mouth... yet!
I know you think you're scarin' me 'cause you're tall.
Just remember, the bigger the tree the harder the fall!!
If them boots were made for walkin', you better start now!
If you have one lick of smarts, you're leavin' anyhow!
You came through the door on your own two feet.
On the way out, the sidewalk your nose will meet!
I beat the heck outta Bruce Lee in a barroom brawl.
Chuck Norris might remember when with one punch from me down he did fall!
"The Arnold" and I trained in the very same gym.
If you aren't shakin' yet, just go ask him.
Mercy ain't in my vocabulary, no matter how much you beg.
I'll disjoint your hip and beat you with your own broken leg!
You might think I'm some sort of a homicidal nut.
Just remember I didn't get these scars on my knuckles from pattin' babies on the butt!
Little ol' Angel, you didn't understand a word that I said
While sittin' on my lap with me scratchin' your head.
Your tail is a waggin'... it never seems to slow down.
You know I wouldn't hurt you and that I'm harmless as a clown.
I'm startin' to nod off, we both like to sleep in my chair.
Just lay here quiet so I can see the television over there.
Together we will type just enough to finish this rhyme
So your master, 2old, is first to post last this time!!!!
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Post by Weezer on Sept 11, 2021 16:18:57 GMT -5
Bravo!!to Sir 2Old, who has the audacity to print what ever he dreams of in his head to unfold and ending with him waking up and looking at his loyal dog at his side in his bed never hearing a word that 2old had said,,!! I wish i had your brain 2old , but you should change your name to Mr. B.Bold! not sure what you eat before you hit the hay seems to bring out those funny dreams you display.. but in the end, as you are a dear friend i truly do enjoy the tales you tell and all those stories are told by you! 2old. well time is short. And i'm on my way out the door Our Mail man cometh and i must see what kind of Mail he brought us this day , most likely , its just more Bills we will have to pay. Oyeeaa ! best say adieu now but i will be back. but 4 now its time to say , im the last to post on this here Saturday!! |
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Post by 2old on Sept 18, 2021 15:17:13 GMT -5
This morning I told dear Weezer a little white lie.
Said rhyming for a while I would not even try.
The "boring" life of retirement has taken a swirling turn
With a number of things likening my brain to being in a churn.
Nothing to worry about, all will be just fine.
Sometimes one just needs a time when we can whine.
Just got back from helping a lady whose husband if failing fast.
She's becoming a basket case as she sees him nearing his last.
Spending time with folks having a really difficult time
Reminds us how blessed we are having only little mountains to climb.
So many people with mountains impossible to scale
They are devastated knowing with even trying they will fail.
Enough, now, of the depressing talk. I'll change the tune of my rhyme.
Instead let me tell you of my life living in crime!
In college folks talked of watermelon patches just south of town.
Loaded up a couple friends and we began to drive around.
Late at night we drove past the patch and saw melons on near the road.
I pulled to a stop and the backseat of my car with melons we did load.
Back to the dorm room and carried melons up to our rooms, 20 or so.
The next morning off to our classes, away we did go.
Returning that afternoon, we hurried to our rooms with a trot.
Finding the mess of melons we stole were old and all full of rot.
None were edible. Not one of the 20 were we able to eat.
Instead we took them out and littered the main street!
City Park had a fountain, a beautiful stream of water shooting in the air.
There was a little corner grocery about two blocks from there.
We purchased bags of cheap laundry detergent on that fateful night.
Walked back to the fountain keeping the detergent out of site.
Into the fountain we dumped detergent, bag after bag.
Back into our car and began driving up and down the main drag.
Soon the suds were rolling from the fountain to the street.
We laughed and thought our prank was very, very neat.
A couple nights later two high school kids soaped the fountain again.
They were caught in the act and had to pay for their sin.
Parents were demanded to pay for cleaning the fountain of soap and scum.
By rights, it was us who should have had to pay the exorbitant sum!
Thanks goodness I found some semblance of maturity along the way.
Pranks like the ones above are mere memories of a time far away.
Now, the statute of limitations expired many years in the past
Or, I might have been cleaning a fountain instead of being the one to post last!!!
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Post by 2old on Sept 26, 2021 19:16:42 GMT -5
Been entirely too long a time
Since I've posted on this Game a rhyme.
Much has happened since my last attempt at prose
And thought you'd enjoy hearing about one of those.
Thought there must have been an escape from a zoo
When in my backyard I spied a moose and a caribou.
These are animals we don't see this far south in the Midwest
Especially in my back yard, enjoying being my guest.
I picked up the phone and called the local police department
Asking if an officer my way could be sent.
"What's the problem, sir? Why do you need an officer there?"
If I tell them will they come with sirens blaring and the loose animals scare?
"In my backyard, ma'am, are a caribou and a moose
That must have from a zoo escaped and got loose.
I don't want to spook them so have the officer come as quiet as he dare
In hopes when he arrives the animals are still there."
There was a hesitation in the dispatcher's voice that I detected.
Immediately I felt my appeal for assistance would be rejected!
"Sir, have you been drinking or on drugs and been getting high?"
The accusation surprised me and I let out a big sigh.
"Ma'am, I don't drink and I don't use drugs... other than those prescribed."
I had reported the incident and to get help I had tried.
Sometimes, it seems, the tough work you need to do on your own.
I told myself to "man up" and make use of my aging testosterone!
To the basement I went and grabbed two fifty foot coils of rope
Hoping my plan would succeed and I wouldn't be known as the "Neighborhood Dope"!
Standing on my back deck, I began swing the rope in a circle over my head
While my old mind was doubting my mission and was filling with dread.
I let out a soft whistle, watching the caribou raise his head from the ground
And in a few seconds, his neck my lasso was around.
Tied the caribou off to the deck so he couldn't escape again
And looked over at the big ol' moose, while my mouth began to grin.
The moose had spied me and was beginning to bellow, acting like he would charge.
My goodness, that old bull moose was looking quite large!
Looping my other lasso, I roped him and tied him to the back deck.
Suddenly the caribou and moose both bolted, and I thought "What the heck!"
The earsplitting noise echoed as they tore the deck loose from the house side.
I immediately knew I was in for one very entertaining ride!
Through the yard fence and out onto the street
On my favorite deck chair I decided to take a seat.
Past Kroger's and past the hardware store we flew dodging car and truck.
If this deck begins to fall apart, I'm going to be out of luck.
Someone must have called the police for a roadblock was up ahead.
As we sped toward the police cars my mind filled with dread.
I began to pull on the ropes as if they were reins on a horse.
That didn't slow my speed. The caribou and moose weren't fazed, of course.
The police were aiming rifles at us! They will soon shoot the animals, I see.
How do I know they won't miss and instead of moose or caribou... hit me???
Suddenly I feel a pain in my shoulder! I've been shot! Will I die?
I'm getting groggy and down on the deck I lie.
Everything goes black and I feel my life slipping away.
I try to talk... to yell... but there is nothing I can say.
A light is shining in my eyes. Have I passed to the next life?
I never even got to say goodbye to my dear loving wife.
Then I see an EMT and policeman standing on the deck where I lie.
What? Am I alive? Did they not shoot me and did I not die?
They tell me to relax and begin to apologize for putting me to sleep.
A tranquilizer dart missed the moose and went in my shoulder pretty deep.
Both animals have been tranquilized and hauled to the local zoo.
"We're so sorry the dispatcher paid no attention to you!"
"Sir, you are laying on your back deck about a mile from your where you live.
Please heed this warning that, to you, I am about to give!
You have one hour to get this pile of wood from the middle of the street
Or, you will be our guest and the jailer you will meet!"
I rented a truck from The Home Depot located almost next door.
Hitched the deck to the truck, put it in gear and gave a sigh.
Back towards my house with wood chips flying high and low.
Straight through the traffic lights I didn't even slow.
When I drug the battered deck into my driveway, I was sick
Since the stack of traffic tickets was about 2 inches thick!
The local animal rescue organization paid all the tickets for me!
Due to the free advertisement, Home Depot donated a deck with glee!
As I type this I'm sitting on the new deck sipping a Diet Coke.
And, 2old is first to post last after rhyming another joke!!!!
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Post by formerlyme on Nov 3, 2021 14:53:44 GMT -5
Hmmm...peeking in...kinda quiet lately...no recent appearances by our wonderful poets. Soooooo...I'll just take this opportunity to slide into LAST PLACE!  |
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Post by 2old on Nov 4, 2021 8:03:19 GMT -5
The time is drawing near
When my opponents in this contest begin to fear
My timing of a last post will surprise all
And, to my being first to post last they will fall.
Don't count me out just because I've been a little lazy.
If you do doubt my goal of being last... you're downright crazy!
Not trying to dispute the ability of my opponents, nor their motivation.
Just remember I'm last to post... today... and expect a standing ovation!!!
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Post by 2old on Dec 4, 2021 9:33:59 GMT -5
Oh my goodness, 2022 is approaching very fast
And for 2021, I must be the first to... on this forum... post last!!
The trophy will be sitting where all can plainly see
As I brag to visitors, neighbors, and all the family!
My ability to win the trophy is anticipated by all
For in the world of intellectuals, 2old stands very tall.
Educated at the most prestigious universities and schools
My intelligence level suggests the rest of the world as fools!
As you can see, and to this fact I will attest
That even though in my mind I will always be the best
I never brag about myself or show one bit of conceit
And, still, it's hard to believe people don't bow at my feet!
Science, technology, engineering, and math... I have degrees in all!
As challenges in the world of medicine arise, I answer the call!
I'm jetted around the world to assist in research everywhere.
Name any country on this Earth and I can guarantee I've been there!
So, with the background... exceptional to say the least.
In contests such as this on competitors I do feast!
Try as you wish, for New Years Eve is almost hear
And, 2old will be posting last... of that fact I have not one iota of fear!!!!
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