Post by 2old on Oct 16, 2023 7:05:20 GMT -5
joybelle
These were supposedly posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are supposedly the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions).
Q: Does it ever get rainy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: Africa is the triangle-shaped continent south of Europe .
Australia is the big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not…Oh forget it. Hippo racing: Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q:Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Are there any ATMs in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ?
(UK)
A: What did your last slave die from?
Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is..
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You’re a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in America which is where YOU come from.
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled & make good pets. No, this is a lie, but we don’t have rattlesnakes.
Q: I heard about a kind of bear in Australia that lives in trees, but I forget its name. (USA)
A: The Drop Bear drops out of gum trees & eats the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product: the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.
These were supposedly posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are supposedly the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a great sense of humor (not to mention a low tolerance threshold for stupid questions).
Q: Does it ever get rainy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA)
A:Depends how much you've been drinking.
Q:I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks?
(Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles. Take lots of water.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? (USA)
A: Africa is the triangle-shaped continent south of Europe .
Australia is the big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not…Oh forget it. Hippo racing: Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
Q:Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
Are there any ATMs in Australia ? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay ?
(UK)
A: What did your last slave die from?
Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Austria is that quaint little country bordering Germany, which is..
Oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You’re a British politician, right?
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in America which is where YOU come from.
Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled & make good pets. No, this is a lie, but we don’t have rattlesnakes.
Q: I heard about a kind of bear in Australia that lives in trees, but I forget its name. (USA)
A: The Drop Bear drops out of gum trees & eats the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.
Q: I have developed a new product: the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
Q:Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? (France)
A: Only at Christmas.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? USA)
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.