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Post by 2old on Apr 1, 2021 7:20:28 GMT -5
I need you to watch something and see if you agree Or if this is just a characteristic only noticeable to me. Doesn't a blonde had a different way of thinking than a brunette? And, isn't a redhead quicker to throw a temper tantrum than anyone else you've met?
Some of us old geezers still have lots of hair, while others have lost theirs to baldness. And, I don't believe those bald guys retain their faculties as well... I must confess. That opinion, of course, is from the mind of one who has retained most of his hair. And I'm certain a balding gentleman might disagree with me there!
We used to make light jokes about the blonde ladies, most were totally out of line. One shouldn't a person, just by the color of their hair try to define. There are days I should be smarting from a painful kick in the shin From telling a blonde joke that my beautiful wife took with chagrin.
And, what it boils down to... the object of today's prose and rhyme Is that we should not make fun of anybody at any time. The color of one's hair or the color of one's skin does not make them different than me. The differences, if there are any, would be in what goes on between our ears, don't you see!
I really wish we could all just get along and be kind to one another, wouldn't you agree? And I would expect nothing but kindness when the winner of this contest is ME!!! But, did you hear the one about the blonde who..... Nah! I won't put a blonde joke in my rhyme For once again, 2old is last to post and will be the winner of this contest for all time!!!!
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Post by Weezer on Apr 2, 2021 19:54:24 GMT -5
heeheee.. funny jokes about Blonds use to run ramped i can still recall it all when i was a kid. luckily the blond hair i was born with faded naturally to brown. im glad im not a redhead they get picked on like pimple or a blackhead. anywho im in a hurry, things to see and things to do... im just was not ready for this deadly Pandemic of a Flue wear a mask, dont wear a mask. "wear two masks" says Dr. Ouchie ! get the shot, don't get the shot, "the flew will be over in a year or two!" who knows what to do? i got my flue shot and i feel secure im going to live for another year i fear.. just need to get me a new space suit, wear it to church, who gives a hoot! Only the good Lord knows how this will end. im tired of it all as it just never seems we'll win tired of taking it all in i need to relax , quit worrying so much sit down and eat , as it could be my very last lunch! off to la-la land i go, time to dream how life was before all this sad sorrow How i use to push my wheelbarrow loaded with flowers and other indoor plants. and having to be careful of those nasty biting red ants! I want to dream of the summer ahead without hearing how many people are dying instead.. Im getting depressed.. so best i leave and besides i feel i need to sneeze Is it Covid causing me to sneeze? Seems every little breeze i breathe just brings me down to my knees. i better go before i die of fear of something that will make me cry. Good night my Last to Post friends, True friends to the very end. but i hope to still be here for that final battle of the yes-ta-years The last one to post on this Post. Good night to all my dears and peers....
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Post by 2old on Apr 3, 2021 7:07:15 GMT -5
I'm so stoked! It's gonna be a fantastic day! I'm off to the nursing home. I've a tournament to play. They've invited me to join in the Annual Spitball Championship. I'm to take along my flask and, before playing, enjoy a little sip.
My pocket is full of the strongest straws Kroger's had in stock. I've pounded and beat my paper wads till they're hard as a rock! BB size, they will fly so long and they will fly so straight. Oh, I'm gonna teach those old fogies a lesson and I just cannot wait!
The inside of my straws with graphite have been waxed. I want to assure the spit ball velocity is totally maxed. I'll leave bruises and bumps with my spit balls, that is assured. The line between sympathy and viciousness will certainly be blurred.
If I take out an eye, who cares! They can't see anyway! I going to win this thing! It's serious! It's ain't just play! My direct shots will cause pain and the ricochets will too. Just don't get in my way if you're there! I'm warning you!!
It's a sneak attack I have planned while they're playing shuffleboard. If my spit balls sting bad enough, they've think with a bull they've been gored! Screams of surprise will echo up and down the halls. Walkers will be upset and there will be devastating falls.
The nurses will be busy treating bruises and broken bones... even a bloody nose. Depends will be strung from wall to wall, the cleanup will need a hose. All will recover, but those recovery times could cover a long time. If only they would have listened and read this timely rhyme!
So you see I take no prisoners, not kindness in competition to I show. If you cannot take the heat, close to the stove your should not go! My goal is apparent. I will not be deterred every again, my friend. For 2old will be last to post, this year, from that focus I will not bend!!!!
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Post by jaila on Apr 5, 2021 12:05:19 GMT -5
Dear Weezer, Wearing a spacesuit to church sounded like a novel idea! Which we cannot rule anything out just yet, I feah! But we will try to support each other in this difficult long siege, Until something more changes, or a better place and time, we do reach. It's surely been a challenge in so many ways. It changed every person's thoughts, and many nights and days. It 's a wonder we didn't , ALL of us, go completely CRAZE !!!!! (Or did we?) Now 2old you're right, perhaps it's time to let go, of those certain types of old jokes that don't seem as funny any mo. ;) If EVERYone's not laughing, we can look for other humor. Or else we might all grow DIslike-Eachother-tumors. ANd we don't want those; Oh no, we'd prefer another malady instead! WHere we are more easily able to share compassion and common kindred. There's no easy answers , of that I am sure. And for many true unkindnesses, there seems to be no cure. But we can simply try each day, to do something of good. And hope that with each other, we can be understood. Or simply accepted would be enough for me. For each of our similarities and differences, whatever they be. I will try if you will, and I know you all do. And if I cannot win this year, I will just say Boo-hoo. :)
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Post by 2old on Apr 5, 2021 19:02:37 GMT -5
Well, slap me silly and call me Willy! But I ain't Willy and you ain't Tillie! Now I am where and I am who? For what it's worth, "Who are you?"
My mind has left me, I feel the fear Of not being coherent and thinking very clear. It's been a hard day and the effect is not good I'll relate my adventure, for I know I should.
Played golf this morning and on hole number three Saw a red-headed woodpecker and he was there in a tree. What a beautiful bird, the colors were pristine He was one of the biggest woodpeckers I'd ever seen.
As I walked to my cart, he flew up in an old Cottonwood tree. Rat-A-Tat-Tat... like a machine gun firing as we drove to the next tee. As we fired our tee shots down the fairway, then pulled up to green number four. There was that woodpecker in an old oak tree... pecking away some more.
Hole after hole that beautiful bird followed us around, pecking more. I'd think after all that pecking his beak would be sore! The noise didn't bother us, as we became somewhat accustomed to it. As much as the geezers talk, an old woodpecker wasn't worth throwing a fit.
I began to notice a certain rhythm to the woodpecker's tree pecking cadence. Had my phone with me and decided to video him, and see if the pecking made any sense. When I returned home, I played the audio of his pecking into website for Morse Code. Into that website the sounds of that old woodpecker flowed.
Across my screen the words began to take shape of what the woodpecker did peck. I had spent my morning followed by an intelligent woodpecker, by heck! The message was repeated, it seemed, on hole after hole as we left each green. I never thought of a bird having an attitude, let alone being mean!
As the words scrolled across, repeating time after time, as if in a rut I began to laugh, "How could you ever have missed another easy putt!" That old woodpecker must have lived for years on our course and in our trees. He had learned Morse Code and his 'humor' brought me to my knees!
I'd had a rough day, the putter's lack of cooperation had taken its toll. No matter how much I tried, the ball would not drop in the hole! So, I'm going back tomorrow and at that woodpecker a net I will cast I'll bring him home and teach him to peck out... 2old will always be first to post last!!!
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Post by Weezer on Apr 6, 2021 20:59:59 GMT -5
Another dream of 2olds ..as i read word for word another funny story that only by 2old has been told! We sure are lucky to have such a man of funny Rhymes makes me almost drop to my knees every time, He is someone who could make you laugh or cry with words even sometimes i really think he does talk to the birds! the birds cock their heads as if to agree yet laughing their heads off after 2old takes a leave.. But then there is Jaila so sweet as can be a friend of mine from Maine you see.. i only wish i had known her when i was living Maine oh what powerful friends we could of became !! i truly think it was meant to be ... we met while i am now living in Tennessee i told her to come here ,"there is someone i want you to meet," he's an old man with glee He Rhymes every word, mostly funny stories, you'll see! guaranteed to make you leave laughing and in a good mood so its worth the visit to read his rhymes with me.. And soon he will be your good friend and so you know where to come if your looking for a good laugh we need to change our names to,,, " 2Olds Laughing staff " !! So i been busy with this pandemic thing staying home more often helped me keep the litter box clean ! No more Dust Bunnies hiding under the beds and couches and more! The mirrors are spotless as is the kitchen floor! I go to bed just too pooped to pop at least i get a good night sleep but before i do , i always try to come here to get my energy boost We need to have a 2old Roast from coast to coast! Have a big party and listen to him boast! how he golfs and tells stories some fake but some i think might be true? but for right now i must leave but with a few more words! I need my"Beauty Sleep" { Funniest thing i ever heard!!! i always wake up every morning and my long dark hair is now silver gray. but what the heck, im pretty old now anyway.!! See you soon , i may be a day or two late but its always never to late to wait!! to be the First to be Last !!!!depending my fate..
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Post by 2old on Apr 7, 2021 17:53:41 GMT -5
Back home from the hospital, for that I've really glad. The reason I've been there, though, has me very, very mad. Was driving across town on a very busy street To an appointment I had, a good friend to meet.
A light turned red and I coasted to a stop as the law says I should do. From the other direction I saw a truck flying our way, intent on blowing through. A driver from the right, pulled into the intersection... he had the green. The collision was one of the worst these old eyes have ever seen.
As the speeding truck hit the car, boxes from the bed of the truck flew high in the air. One of the boxes landed in the bed of my truck, while I was sitting there. Now it was warm outside, my rear window was open to get fresh air in my truck. One of the boxes landed in the bed of my truck... a stroke of really bad luck.
Too late I realized the box I had "inherited" was a good sized bee hive. The intersection was blocked by the accident and I had nowhere to drive! The bee hive had broken open, releasing thousands of bees to do harm. I immediately began to feel the stings on my face and on each arm.
A couple bees went down the back of my shirt, I felt the stingers dig into my skin. Bee after bee thought I was their enemy and I felt the stings... again and again. By the time I was able to open my door and exit out on the street to get away I was feeling the effect of the bee stings and knew I was having a really bad day.
In the distance I heard the sirens, police and ambulances were drawing near. They would assess the injuries to the drivers, first, that fact was certainly clear. It became evident I was going into anaphylaxis shock, passing out then and there. Three hours later I woke up in the emergency room, I had given everyone a scare.
My wife was standing beside the bed, staring at me in a very funny way. Her mouth was trying to move, but it didn't seem she knew what to say. Instead she just handed me a mirror so I could see for myself how I looked. At the very first glance into the mirror, I knew my goose was cooked!
My face was swollen from ear to ear, my cheeks puffed out past my nose. That's what was making it difficult for my wife to talk, I suppose. Then she spoke, "The hive that landed in your truck was almost full of honey! I sold it by the pint, my dear, and pocketed lots of money!"
The hospital insisted that I remain in their care for at least a day or two. When my wife picked me up she quietly said, "I have something to tell to you." By the time we pulled in to our driveway, she finished the tale she had begun. When the car stopped in the garage, all I wanted to do was run.
As much money as she had received from selling the honey, she knew a profit could be made. Over 50 bee hives were in our backyard, sitting right there in the shade! Now if you believe any of the above, I've landed you hook, line, and sinker. And knowing it was just another one of my rhymes, you are probably calling me an old stinker.
The moral of the story, though, as Mohammad Ali said made lots of sense to me. As he pranced around the ring he would say, "Float like a butterfly and sting like a bee." 2old has floated rhyme after rhyme and he will sting if you deny his trophy run. For as always 2old is first to post last and will be just before 2022 has begun!!!
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Post by Weezer on Apr 12, 2021 20:00:00 GMT -5
Oh my gosh 2old! oh my golly gee is me.. At first i thought "don't tell us this is true!! i had gulped up so much air as i laughed, i also farted too,, Please tell us this was not really true about 20ld..
but then again as i recall, my hubby almost had the same experience with a bee .. but this was quite different as you will see
we were out for a drive, the windows were opened it was when we lived in Texas and the warm air felt just right .. suddenly my hubby let out a yelp
i wondered what on earth happened ...he yelled ""a Bee flew up my shirt sleeve"", ,i yelled pull over right away please, Please ,please!!
He jumped out of the car and he did some kind of left arm and left leg dance you would of thought the bee had flown up his leg pants! and i was happy to see he really does knows how to dance!!!!!
then suddenly the bee flew from his view i said that bee really taught you how to dance. he looked a me , his face got real red.!! for a minute there i thought he might be dead.!!
But no it was nothing at all, it was just that he said he felt we are lucky to be alive and that from now on , we keep the windows shut and turn the air con on inside!!
Well, i have been busy crocheting more baby blankets and just yesterday i was ' able to give 2 baby blankets away,.. one lady asked me first .. how much are you selling them for ?,
I said i do not want to sell them but only give them away. the look on the moms face is what i desired on that day,
God desires us to feel thankful for good deeds and so im passing on Gods desires to you and to anyone who may be in need and to give them less stress.
well now that im the last to post . now i think is a good time for me to boast, yep. weezer is the last to post and to be your host from coast to coast, im here now and hope to be back here tomorrow. ga night everyone , til we meet again, soon i hope.. Hope everyone is well and happy.as i lay down and take my nappy.!! hee hee
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Post by 2old on Apr 13, 2021 7:18:48 GMT -5
Again, dear Weezer, I must certainly say Don't believe what I write on any given day! I appreciate your husband's aversion to bee stings and such For I hate those stinging insects, probably, just as much!
1960 I had two Recluse Spider bites close to my waistline. They gave me pain and trouble for a very long time. My folks thought I got bitten while helping around the farm. From personal experience, insect bites can really do harm.
One of the scars is still visible, size about like the end of my thumb. The other disappeared with a surgeon's cut in nineteen eighty-one. From that time forward, I've had a fear of being stung by a wasp or a bee. I'd much rather be close to a snake than a stinging insect... but that's just me.
When a bee or a wasp appears inside our home my wife will "dispatch" it with glee. She doesn't trust me to chase it down and kill it before it can flee. I'd be like the proverbial bull in a china shop chasing the insect around Until, from that winged terror, there would be no more buzzing sound!!!!
Over the years, working outside for a large part of my career I have been stung and, believe it or not, I am still alive and here! Never have I had a reaction, swelling, or anaphylaxis shock from a sting. That doesn't make it any easier to tolerate a 'waspy' or 'beezy' thing!
So, just call me a 'softy' or 'coward' or 'chicken', whatever term you want to use. I'll just sluff it off, ignoring you, and come back with this news... Your hubby sounds like a good man, someone with whom your relationship holds fast. You will need his comfort, soon, when 2old wins the trophy for being first to post last!!!!
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Post by Weezer on Apr 13, 2021 18:52:23 GMT -5
Ah yes. the bite of a Bee 2Old or the bite of a red ant They both sting and hurt at the same time no matter what they did ,when your a kid.. how about a nice sting just above your eye lid !! from a nasty stinging wasp! as i was by myself alone on my bike and about the age of eight..
i dropped my bike and knew right away the bee took the bait. the swelling and pain was what i was in for that awful day, im eye swelled shut and i recall my mom putting an icebag on my eye. it hurt so bad but told her i promise not to cry..
Laying on my bed , i prayed the Lord not to let me die.. after a few days or so i finely felt the swelling was gone and I looked like me self again just acting like a clown!
never again did i take a ride down that drive . knowing there were bees living there to survive.. no way hosa. i would tell myself.. never again would i take that road ever again to my chagrin.
im glad you recovered from that terrible spider we have Recluse spiders but have never seen one as yet , i can at least say..but i am very aware as to where i go, i just do not want to git bit no more !!
well im off and running , we are getting ready to plant seeds that are gifts from God , we starve not for want,, am also putting my trust in winning a reward at the end of this pandemic year, hope everyone will be proud that Weezer will be the Last one to post this year!!
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Post by 2old on Apr 14, 2021 20:07:41 GMT -5
Concrete is hard, but it tends to crack If you slip on the ice and fall on your back! Your back is strong... as strong as steel. You'll break the concrete and pain never feel.
I stood on the diving board way high above the pool. Someone in the crowd shouted they thought me a fool. The high diving board was greased until slick as it could be. I wanted it that way so when I began to run, nothing would stop me.
The ladder was tall, but step after step I finally gained the top. My hair was full of grease and hung, droopy, like a mop. To the cheers of the crowd, I began to jog toward the board's end. Gravity would take over and towards the pool my body it would send.
Out into the air, my feet together to increase the speed to its max. As I began to near the pool I could see a few of the concrete's cracks. Those cracks had been caused by settling and shrinking of the structure. Why I was doing this would lead to excessive conjecture.
I would be the first! I would be the one to go down in history! As the milliseconds passed, my grin turned into a laugh... Yessiree! Headfirst I would hit it! It's winter and no water is in the pool! The concrete would shatter and I'd be forever thought of as cool!
From 15 feet in the air, I couldn't get to maximum velocity of that I was sure. If I calculated right, I'd be traveling at about 80 miles per! The first thing I felt was my hair touching the concrete pool base. Next thing I felt was dust and shattered concrete covering my face.
Like a guided missile from a launch continents away my body shot. I knew by tomorrow morning I wouldn't feel very hot! My head bore through the concrete to the packed earth below. Suddenly, my descent began to really, really slow.
When I came to a stop, my head was buried but my feet were still above the mess. I was stuck in this hole and my head hurt so bad I must now confess. The tears began to run and I could see them begin to turn the debris to pure mud. Here I was... stuck... and no way to get outta this crud!
Sirens in the distance, their sounds louder as they flew down the street. I felt a cable being wrapped around my protruding feet. A diesel engine fired up, I could smell the sulfur in the air. Someone was directing a crane to pull my limp body out of there.
The crane operator was good, he placed me on the gurney his first try. I was feeling nothing and found I could no longer cry. They loaded me in the ambulance and off we headed to the emergency room. My hard head had broken through the concrete and I hand not met my doom!
Now, there is a moral to this story and that you are about to figure out. When New Year's Eve 2021 arrives, 2old will be giving all a shout. I'm the most hardheaded idiot... I've just proved by busting concrete through and through. And 2old will be just as determined when he's first to post last... beating every one of you!!!
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Post by Weezer on Apr 14, 2021 21:07:38 GMT -5
Is anyone here? just want to ask Are you wearing your mask? Did you get the Covid shot? Did you have a blood clot? Now i know why , i have not applied i do not want to be one that died I want the Minurva shot,if i decide... don't want the blood clot shot ... I got my flu shot in January ,for the very first time And so far is working and not worried at all. im just fine... i knew those Covid shots were moving too fast! and now we know.. one has died and may not be the last..! Well enough of doom and gloom , i want to be happy don't want this to sound to darn sappy.. Tomorrow is another day , we all can be thankful we are all still here and will be here for many a year!! Time to make my announcement loud and clear !! Come this new years eve,,Weezer will still be here she will be in 1st. place and full of loving grace that she will have won the Miracle Last Race By being the winner as she crosses the winning line and falling on her face.(not really) just exhaustion and happened just in time cuz she crossed over just in the nic of time!! whooo hooo! holding her million dollar gold plated cup race of all time!!
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Post by jaila on Apr 15, 2021 20:26:29 GMT -5
The sprouts are all sprouting, the grass is not pouting; The crocus is blooming, and Springtime was booming.
The peony shoots are up and ready to go.... But wait! Now we're going to get snow?!!!
The tulips will not be pleased at all. This isnt what we told them to expect, last Fall.
The daffodil is grumpy... the season's become bumpy.
But after all, we do not live in the South, now do we? And we cannot move there this week, so where will we be?
Yes, we'll be watching the snowflakes and icy rain probably too. And trying to enjoy the window view, and not become blue.
These are not big problems, of course, not at all. Unless you are on a team playing baseball!
But I can't play anyway, so here I will sit, And wait for Spring to come again, and maintain my grit.
Determination and grit are needed most of all, To be the big winner, in the season after this Fall.
When there will be a winner, no matter the weather. And my heart will feel light as a feather; When I win the trophy for being Last to Post, here, Amongst my friends, who all root for me here!
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Post by Weezer on Apr 16, 2021 15:39:32 GMT -5
Hello to 2old and jaila i feel like going to Vensuala (sp) with me 2old and Jaila??
only kidding of course , im not going nowhere! Oh woe is me when i slipped on a pea.. I hit the door before i fell on the floor of course you all know exactly what i did...
I laughed so hard, i fell im my mom's lard ! then i donned my hat and that was that! by the way,,,anyone seen a cat carrying a flying bat? well by now you know.. its only me acting like my silly cat!! heehee.
i only came here today to get some good laughs . gives me lift and thats a fact , Jack! i will be back soon , you'll see,,, i want to be the Last one to post a poster that reads "Weezer is the last to post, as of right now ,its just ME !! ,
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Post by 2old on Apr 16, 2021 16:30:37 GMT -5
Ladies! Ladies! Ladies! Click together your heels! Just like Dorothy and Toto, fly off to Oz if that trip appeals. Good witches, bad witches, Scarecrow and Tin Man. Lion who needs courage... I am his most ardent fan.
I've met the good witches and bad witches as I've traveled many miles. No matter their attitude, I greet each with one of my cheek-to-cheek smiles. My interaction with them had me learning the art of riding a broom. You really should see me fly, in my home, from room to room.
Don the pointed hat and put the broom between my legs as it it were a horse Say the secret code words... LIFT OFF... flying free with no remorse. They have shared the recipe for 'witches brew'... it has a terrible smell. If you feel sick, drink about a gallon and you will soon feel quite well.
It has always been a mystery why witches are always depicted as female. Why can't a man don the black costume and through the air be able to sail? Potions and hexes are a specialty I have learned to hand those who deserve. No one is exempt. If you've done me wrong, don't eat or drink what I serve!
My potions will invoke delirium and you won't ever think straight again. My hexes will cause bad luck to befall you and your kin. So, treat me with respect and follow the orders I give Or you will hear my shrieks as I fly by the location where you live.
No mercy will be shown and no sympathy will you see from me. I'll turn from good witch to bad and do it with glee! This warning is given once and will never be repeated a second time For 2old MUST win this competition to be first posting last his cautionary rhyme!!!
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