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Post by joymarty on Nov 22, 2019 13:17:56 GMT -5
I'm grasping for things to post here. I've posted a lot of health issues but they don't seem to go over so well, so I'm digging for issues about life.
Just remember this too, We Are All Students In This Thing Called Life.
Years ago when I embraced the Science of Mind principles this is something WE were taught.
We can try to get people to change, help them to do better, be healthier, do things in a more positive vein BUT until they are READY they are going to move in those directions. Often it can be too late for them anyway, they may never be READY to change.
I hear this so much from wives TRYING to change their husbands, talk about a frustrating job. And often the husbands never change and end up with dread health issues for one thing.
Anyway, a little more info from this older gal here.
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Post by Drifter on Nov 22, 2019 14:44:17 GMT -5
Pretty sound advise.
No, we cannot change another person to make better choices but we can be a positive influence in their lives. What they do with the information provided, is up to them.
I can imagine how frustrating it would be for a wife to try to change their husbands. Something I would never try with mine. I know I can only change myself and my own reactions. If they are positive, he may follow suit and visa versa.
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Post by joymarty on Nov 22, 2019 15:13:19 GMT -5
My mother worked on my dad for 63 yrs to "change him" and she failed miserably.
I followed in my mother's steps, and "wished" my ex were different, he was NOT, I did not try to change him, he was strong willed about himself. We parted ways which was shocking at the time in those years but I see it all now, it was for the best.
We never know how those marriages will turn out.
It's said opposites attract and then words have been added "but it's unfortunate that they do"...
I can't imagine spending day in and day out with someone "so opposite".
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Post by Drifter on Nov 22, 2019 17:49:32 GMT -5
Wow, 63 years she worked to change him. May I ask what she didn't like about the way he was when she married him, that she wanted him to change?
I believe opposites attack. That makes life interesting. My husband and I are opposites. But, we learned to compromise, here and there. I wouldn't change him for the world though. IMO, if we were the same, life would be quite boring.
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Post by joymarty on Nov 24, 2019 14:54:34 GMT -5
Back in that generation people didn't read psychology books etc...people got married after the depression and wanted to build families. I don't know too many GOOD marriages from back then. Lots of not great ones nowadays. People don't know people until they are married and then they don't know them...the ugly stuff comes out. Like too much alcohol and all the negatives people have. And back then divorce was taboo and women hung in and kept hoping the men would change. My mom would have never left she had no where to go...no one to support her. Plus she felt a sorrow for him in her way, the disease of alcohol.
I thought I had a good marriage but found not so, too much drinking and we were too opposite, had religion at the beginning and that was NOT enough. That all went down the tubes too.
Same with my daughter, she married for the family issue thing and didn't realize all his drinking would cause all the issues it did.
You are fortunate your Opposite marriage works. Many bad marriages continue like the parents marriages. I heard this one and it's true in my marriage and my daughter's.
I think of a couple like Maria and Arnold and how long they hung in now they are departed.
Living with another person 24/7 is probably the toughest job we can enter into.
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Post by joymarty on Nov 24, 2019 15:42:14 GMT -5
Drifter: Thinking about your comment on opposites attack. To me being both of like minds only creates peace, and much less stress and I'll take people of like minds as mine any day over so different and often attacking. And I would not find that boring at all. My closest friends and I are pretty like minded on many issues. I found my ex to be a very critical person of me, and my daughter found that of her husband. Both marriages ended.
Then there is the political world, if MORE were like minded I can only envision so much peace and all we have is a lot of wars and more division for all the opposite thinkers.
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Post by Drifter on Nov 24, 2019 18:45:56 GMT -5
You've made some good points.
Alcohol being a factor in a marriage...I guess I'm lucky that my husband never drank. His father was an alcoholic and abusive to his many wives. Hubby promised me from day one that he would never drink, be abusive or cheat on me. And, he's lived up to all three. I think he knew I would not tolerate being in a relationship like that and that I would be able to hold my own against it. He also knew I was headstrong on certain issues and respects that. And visa versa. We communicate very well and I do believe that is crucial in any marriage.
I'm spontaneous....my husband is a planner. I like to do things just on a whim without a detailed plan. He's learning, it sometimes is much more fun and rewarding!
I think it takes all kinds to make the world go round. The friends I have that are opposite of me...we still have a great time when together and don't judge each other for our differences, just accept them.
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Post by joymarty on Nov 24, 2019 21:23:43 GMT -5
I'm not judging, but I've found in my long life it's so much "easier" to be in the company of like minded people
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Post by tnthomas on Nov 25, 2019 22:45:37 GMT -5
I can imagine how frustrating it would be for a wife to try to change their husbands. Something I would never try with mine. I know I can only change myself and my own reactions. If they are positive, he may follow suit and visa versa. In my marriage that "trying to change" role is reversed. But, I refuse to be 'that' nagging spouse, I'll mention better nutrition, that exercise CAN cure aches & pains etc. without judgemental comments or pressure.
People don't change unless they want to.
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Post by Drifter on Nov 25, 2019 22:52:07 GMT -5
People don't change unless they want to. Exactly. I'll mention better nutrition, that exercise CAN cure aches & pains etc. without judgemental comments or pressure. It depends on who is cooking in our house...you get served what's cooked and consume what you feel you want to. That way, there is no mention to the other about choosing better nutrition. Also, when heading outdoors, I always say you are welcome to join me, which he usually does and visa versa. |
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