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Post by louie on Jan 6, 2018 12:56:42 GMT -5
Okay some of you know me and some don't.
You know I try to stay active in my StepDaughter's kids' lives.
SD did the Home School thing and has failed miserably.
The kids at 14 and 12 cannot hand write legible sentences. The 12 yr old cannot write anything unless he is copying the bible -- he can barely type. He can't tie his own shoes without assistance. He can't carry on a conversation with anyone unless it is about Baseball or Jesus.
My Grand daughter is 14. She writes horror fan fiction under a pseudo name. She spends her life alternating between YouTube and G+. She finally decided to start doing her school work as she realized she will never leave home or get a job unless she actually gets some education.
Now she was granted a FB account.
She is a beautiful young lady who is so out of real life that it is frightening. She feels that she is the most popular person on the internet. She has no real social skills.
Mom and Dad only allow her to see kids at church once a week. She has NO friends her age.
So Grandma...me, is the only one she can turn to.
Okay. The second post she did to FB was a snippet of a horror story. Throats slashed, gory details and a body being thrown off a cliff.
I know she wrote this in private and so was glad she did it on FB where mom had to see it.
But I don't think mom or daughter understand the connotations of that sort of post.
I nearly reported it as offensive and waited to see what Mom would say.
This morning, Mom called. She thinks she and her daughter need to sign up for creative writing classes.
Kudos.
However there is something so very wrong in this family.
A 12 yr old that we thought was border line autistic, a 14 yr old that is socially a misfit [yes I can say that...she has been with other kids at my farm that are her age and cannot interact with them!].
However that said. When I have this girl at the farm, she is intent on learning to ride and excels at it. She forgoes the online world...well, mostly.
What is an old lady to do?
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Post by 2old on Jan 6, 2018 14:55:19 GMT -5
Anonymously send almost the exact post from above to your State Department of Education, your State Department of Health and Welfare, and your local Child Welfare Agency. There is nothing "you" can do by intervening. You will only accomplish aggravating the children's mother and she will cut you off as what appears to be the kids only "sane" support system. Most states have some fairly stringent requirements on home-schooling. The accounts you give about the near illiterate condition of the children should catch the eye of someone in a regulatory position. If the right person sees it, perhaps he/she will act and the kids be removed from the home and placed where remedial action can be taken. Most school districts have programs where kids that have been thwarted in their education can be brought back up to speed.
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Post by louie on Jan 7, 2018 6:39:21 GMT -5
Anonymously send almost the exact post from above to your State Department of Education, your State Department of Health and Welfare, and your local Child Welfare Agency. There is nothing "you" can do by intervening. You will only accomplish aggravating the children's mother and she will cut you off as what appears to be the kids only "sane" support system. Most states have some fairly stringent requirements on home-schooling. The accounts you give about the near illiterate condition of the children should catch the eye of someone in a regulatory position. If the right person sees it, perhaps he/she will act and the kids be removed from the home and placed where remedial action can be taken. Most school districts have programs where kids that have been thwarted in their education can be brought back up to speed. Actually Education Neglect has to be proven in a different manner. I have researched it and they don't qualify per state standards which say the child[ren] must not be able to print their name by the age 8 and do remedial math and reading by the age of 10... before the state will step in. The child[ren] must also have their lives in danger before CS will step in. Children who have home computers, food, nice homes, toys, clothes, and have two parents who are not physically abusing them won't even be considered. In our state ~ WI, the children do not have to be tested to see if they are up to grade as they are in public schools, which I find unbelievable. I have talked to Human Service social workers and actually there is nothing they can do. This case would never be considered. It is frustrating as a step grandparent to watch. Interfering has brought me huge grief. They will just not let me see or communicate with the kids or them period. Sort of like holding the kids ransom. I do intend on helping the grand daughter if and when she leaves home if she asks for help. Very frustrating. |
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2018 12:49:16 GMT -5
I sympathize with you, louie. Sounds like you've tried everything to get the grandkids some help. You will just have to back away and hope for the best. Let the kids know you are always there for them.
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Post by chinadoll1981 on Jan 10, 2018 13:15:23 GMT -5
As a psychologist I would say this could be signs of disturbed cognition. In your state is there some advocacy for children, particularly in the realm of mental health? I surprised that social services or CPS say they no able to help...
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Post by tnthomas on Jan 10, 2018 13:36:47 GMT -5
Sorry to see your grandkids subjected to "home schooling". One time my [former] employer hired a young man who(through nepotism) had connections to the management which personally were of the fundamentalist view that public education was inferior. He was home schooled, he presented like he was autistic to some degree, wouldn't make eye contact,barely able to handle interpersonal exchanges. But he was our assistant. In time he did develop a sense of belonging to our work group, even could anticipate needs and respond. We were happy he was starting to blossom as a real person.
Shortly after, management terminated him, so as to justify getting rid of another employee who was "troublesome". Sad.
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Post by louie on Jan 10, 2018 14:23:50 GMT -5
As a psychologist I would say this could be signs of disturbed cognition. In your state is there some advocacy for children, particularly in the realm of mental health? I surprised that social services or CPS say they no able to help... Well who advocates for the kids when there is no trouble at this point? The children are kept from the at-large public. I see what is in my opinion ... not normal. However mom and dad say it is just a stage. If I intervene, then I will never see the kids again. Is it better to be here for them, especially the daughter who said she is getting away at 18? Or become alienated? |
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Post by louie on Jan 10, 2018 14:30:43 GMT -5
Sorry to see your grandkids subjected to "home schooling". One time my [former] employer hired a young man who(through nepotism) had connections to the management which personally were of the fundamentalist view that public education was inferior. He was home schooled, he presented like he was autistic to some degree, wouldn't make eye contact,barely able to handle interpersonal exchanges. But he was our assistant. In time he did develop a sense of belonging to our work group, even could anticipate needs and respond. We were happy he was starting to blossom as a real person. Shortly after, management terminated him, so as to justify getting rid of another employee who was "troublesome". Sad. That sounds tough. My grandson is like that too. He can't look at you and talk. When he does, he can only talk sports and sport statistics. Mom and Dad have trouble with getting him to do anything at this point and it is easier to let him sit in his room and play on the Playstation or watch YouTube. He exhibits extreme borderline autistic behaviors. I've come to the realization that my hands are tied. I am the step mom. My stepdaughter's husband feels it is perfectly acceptable to let his kids quit school when they are able to. He said he did and he is just fine. I guess the funds my husband and I set up for his grands to go to college would be better spent on kids that actually may seek higher education. Or... something we may need in the future. SD's hubby works in a factory. He watches a machine make things and has done so for nearly 30 years, ever since he dropped out of school. I wonder what he will do when a robot takes his position? I digress. This is so frustrating! |
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Post by butterfly on Jan 11, 2018 0:05:42 GMT -5
I doubt there is, as a practical matter, much you can do. My personal belief is that home schooling does children no favors, and that isolating children from their peers sets them up for failure as adults. We must all learn to deal with others and with the real world around us and childhood is where we begin to learn how to do that. As to the younger child who cannot read, that is a tragedy in the making. Nowdays, I do not see how a person without at least passable reading skills can get along -- we all have to read stuff every day, from signs and directions a bout what to do and how to do (and not do) it, to job applications, to our daily jobs, whatever they might be.
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Post by louie on Jan 11, 2018 8:01:21 GMT -5
As to the younger child who cannot read, that is a tragedy in the making. Nowdays, I do not see how a person without at least passable reading skills can get along -- we all have to read stuff every day, from signs and directions a bout what to do and how to do (and not do) it, to job applications, to our daily jobs, whatever they might be. He can read fairly well, but he cannot write as in Writing a sentence or an email. Putting words on paper or typing them get jumbled and confusing to him. He can print his name. I agree, not much I can do, we tried when the kids were little but it only served us with grief and alienation. When the girl was younger we started a pen pal letter thing. It was fun and Miss A. learned a lot. Then her mom switched her to email because then she didn't have to bother to fill out an an envelope and stamp it. |
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