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Post by Bob on Nov 10, 2017 17:07:43 GMT -5
Great replies everyone. I thank you for these anecdotes and words of support. Yes, it's been a rough few years. We thought we were past her issues with spine surgery (fusion) and that turned out not to be the case. I'll keep up the encouragement and keep working with her on the rehab, but we really have to hope that her depression doesn't return. Been down that road and it's awful.
I'm keeping busy with work for now, and at least I'm home so I can be with her during the day. I'd love to get her out for a weekend away, but she just said again she has no interest as long as this is hanging over her head.
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Post by rjhangover on Nov 10, 2017 17:57:19 GMT -5
Kind of a difficult topic today, as my wife is struggling with her recovery from total knee replacement at the beginning of September. She's convinced herself that she should be doing better (range of motion is on her mind constantly) and comparing herself to others who've had the same operation, but who have reported better progress. She's 8 weeks post-surgery and while her PT says she's doing fine and reassured my wife that this takes time, nothing seems to lift her spirits. She's so down and in the past has been prone to bouts of serious depression. She's now mentioned that feelings of depression are coming on. I'm worried about her, and nothing I seem to say is making her feel any better. This is not what I was expecting in terms of her recovery. We knew it was tough, but I think she's finding it way harder and more frustrating than was expected. Not sure what to do. She goes back to the doctor next month. Anyone faced a similar situation with their spouse or significant other? Have her doctor give her Duloxetine....that's what I'm on .....happy as a Lark. Doesn't make you high or sleepy.
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Post by Bob on Nov 10, 2017 20:03:21 GMT -5
Kind of a difficult topic today, as my wife is struggling with her recovery from total knee replacement at the beginning of September. She's convinced herself that she should be doing better (range of motion is on her mind constantly) and comparing herself to others who've had the same operation, but who have reported better progress. She's 8 weeks post-surgery and while her PT says she's doing fine and reassured my wife that this takes time, nothing seems to lift her spirits. She's so down and in the past has been prone to bouts of serious depression. She's now mentioned that feelings of depression are coming on. I'm worried about her, and nothing I seem to say is making her feel any better. This is not what I was expecting in terms of her recovery. We knew it was tough, but I think she's finding it way harder and more frustrating than was expected. Not sure what to do. She goes back to the doctor next month. Anyone faced a similar situation with their spouse or significant other? Have her doctor give her Duloxetine....that's what I'm on .....happy as a Lark. Doesn't make you high or sleepy. Thanks. I'll mention it to her, though I suspect she won't want to take anything. She did ask her doctor about medical marijuana, but he had no opinion about it either way. Heading back to the surgeon's office next week.
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Post by rjhangover on Nov 10, 2017 21:09:08 GMT -5
Have her doctor give her Duloxetine....that's what I'm on .....happy as a Lark. Doesn't make you high or sleepy. Thanks. I'll mention it to her, though I suspect she won't want to take anything. She did ask her doctor about medical marijuana, but he had no opinion about it either way. Heading back to the surgeon's office next week. I'd prefer Marijuana, but I can't smoke it any more because of my lung problem. But the Duloxetine doesn't get you high, you just kinda feel like everything is hunky dory.
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Post by Warrigal on Nov 11, 2017 1:31:13 GMT -5
I'm not sure how I can help. I do think personality has a lot to do with situations like this. My hubby is a pessimist and suffers from depression. I am Pollyanna and always look on the bright side.
His latest (last year) back surgery had left him with drop foot and it troubles him a great deal. We had hoped that it would improve over time but this has not happened. It is a year since his operation and we are getting a second opinion, hoping that something can still be done about it. If not, he will just have to learn to live with a leg that is not perfect but which is manageable by wearing an ankle brace and an elastic band to hold the foot up so that he does not trip. He also needs to remember to take his stick with him when he goes out.
I can only suggest that you help your wife to focus on some positives such as the reduction in joint pain and set some achievable goals for physio and rehab. As 2old has pointed out, things could have turned out much worse. I am under no illusion that changing the mind set of a depressive is easy. I recommend taking the meds if the doctor advises them.
Some strong pain killers to take before exercises might be a good idea until the adhesions are broken down. Ice afterwards is essential too.
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Post by butterfly on Nov 11, 2017 6:20:50 GMT -5
formerlyme , butterfly and QuickSilver , thanks for your thoughts and well wishes. My wife is able to get around pretty well and frequently uses a cane. She had another PT session yesterday and got her range of motion to 105%, but the therapist was honest with her and said that the number wasn't going to improve unless she can get past the pain of breaking up the adhesions that have formed in the knee. It didn't help that the patient sitting nearby had my wife's former therapist announcing a ROM of 120%, so my wife feels so down. She's made an appointment with the NP at her surgeon's office for next week so we can get some answers. And if all this weren't enough to deal with, she went for a bone density scan yesterday and the technician commented on something she was on the readings that has now caused (perhaps unnecessary) alarm. Yesterday was not a good day. I am being supportive, but sometimes it's tough to keep trying to stay positive in the wake of so much negativity. I know how difficult is is to be supportive in the wake of negativity. I went through it for several years with my husband, and if you are not careful it will take a chunk out of your soul. In the case of husband, there was a lot of rage about the fact that the accident happened to him, and resentment of my ability to get around, on his part -- sort of a "well it's easy for you to be upbeat, you're not the one going through this" sort of thing, and it got blacker and blacker. I tried my best, with support and encouragement from his treating folks, to get him to try to take part in the world, but he refused to do so. Anyway, I guess mostly what I am trying to say, and probably clumsily, is that it is very hard to be the caretaker/healthy one, and I believe it is very important not to let it completely take over your world. Do take care of yourself Perhaps your wife would feel better with her former therapist? Is that a possibility? What was it that the bone density thing revealed? Something that will make it harder for the knee to heal?
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Post by Bob on Nov 11, 2017 7:02:53 GMT -5
butterfly, thanks for your words above. Yes, sometimes it does get to me, but I'm managing so far. Regarding the bone density test, the technician pointed to a spot on the scan and asked my wife if she had any metal in her pockets. The spot was on her left him and was apparently very noticeable. She raised alarm in my wife over that, and then said something about degeneration in her spine. So of course the first thing my wife wants to know is what's that spot on her hip? We won't know for a few days, but she may have to go in for more tests. In the interim she of course went on the internet to search what it could be, and besides a calcium deposit, she saw cancer and also other things that were not good, so it has her concerned. The good thing is that she had this spot a few years ago and after it was reviewed by the doctor, he said it was nothing to be concerned about and that they'd keep an eye on it. Well that was in 2014. Guess the spot is still there and maybe bigger. We'll know more in a few days.
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Post by highlandannie on Nov 11, 2017 8:25:33 GMT -5
butterfly , thanks for your words above. Yes, sometimes it does get to me, but I'm managing so far. Regarding the bone density test, the technician pointed to a spot on the scan and asked my wife if she had any metal in her pockets. The spot was on her left him and was apparently very noticeable. She raised alarm in my wife over that, and then said something about degeneration in her spine. So of course the first thing my wife wants to know is what's that spot on her hip? We won't know for a few days, but she may have to go in for more tests. In the interim she of course went on the internet to search what it could be, and besides a calcium deposit, she saw cancer and also other things that were not good, so it has her concerned. The good thing is that she had this spot a few years ago and after it was reviewed by the doctor, he said it was nothing to be concerned about and that they'd keep an eye on it. Well that was in 2014. Guess the spot is still there and maybe bigger. We'll know more in a few days. Hope it's nothing important.
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Post by Warrigal on Nov 11, 2017 14:40:06 GMT -5
Casual remarks from technicians should be ignored. The doctor will put things into perspective.
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Post by louie on Nov 12, 2017 11:52:53 GMT -5
Kind of a difficult topic today, as my wife is struggling with her recovery from total knee replacement at the beginning of September. She's convinced herself that she should be doing better (range of motion is on her mind constantly) and comparing herself to others who've had the same operation, but who have reported better progress. She's 8 weeks post-surgery and while her PT says she's doing fine and reassured my wife that this takes time, nothing seems to lift her spirits. She's so down and in the past has been prone to bouts of serious depression. She's now mentioned that feelings of depression are coming on. I'm worried about her, and nothing I seem to say is making her feel any better. This is not what I was expecting in terms of her recovery. We knew it was tough, but I think she's finding it way harder and more frustrating than was expected. Not sure what to do. She goes back to the doctor next month. Anyone faced a similar situation with their spouse or significant other? I think someone else said it too, ... each person will have a very different outcome after a surgical procedure like this. I've also been married to a man who has chronic depression. At this time of the year it is much worse than in the bright days of summer. Winter months are hard on those prone to depression. If it is overcast and cool or cold...and the short days lead to being down, it can create those grey bleh days. I almost got very frustrated with the daily complaints. However, to him it is important. And each day we go over it. It got worse with the past illnesses he had. I can't fix him and make him better, but I've come to realize that some days are going to be worse and some may be a bit better. Yes he is on meds and monitored by a doctor about every 3 months. As TobyTyler said, one day at a time. The next thing to do is make sure that you are taking care of yourself also.
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Post by tnthomas on Nov 13, 2017 1:00:55 GMT -5
Sorry to hear, Bob. Is your wife experiencing a lot of pain? Constant pain certainly will drag you down.
Perhaps a change in anti-depressant meds might be of benefit.
Getting past the pain, and getting past un-met expectations will help her greatly.
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Post by Bob on Nov 13, 2017 8:30:49 GMT -5
Sorry to hear, Bob. Is your wife experiencing a lot of pain? Constant pain certainly will drag you down. Perhaps a change in anti-depressant meds might be of benefit. Getting past the pain, and getting past un-met expectations will help her greatly. It's not so much the pain being constant as it is the degree of pain during PT exercises combined with a feeling that she's not doing as well as others (PT and folks she's met) say she should be doing in terms of range of motion. But, I've signed her up on www.bonesmart.org, a forum for people who have had knee and hip replacements. She's getting feedback from others, including administrators of the site, that suggests she do the PT on her own and stop worrying about ROM. It will come if she's diligent and patient. I think the comments have given her some level of support and comfort. She was encouraged to look for "small victories" each day. I think she's going to quit outside PT and focus on doing this herself. I support that decision.
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Post by highlandannie on Nov 13, 2017 8:46:21 GMT -5
Sorry to hear, Bob. Is your wife experiencing a lot of pain? Constant pain certainly will drag you down. Perhaps a change in anti-depressant meds might be of benefit. Getting past the pain, and getting past un-met expectations will help her greatly. It's not so much the pain being constant as it is the degree of pain during PT exercises combined with a feeling that she's not doing as well as others (PT and folks she's met) say she should be doing in terms of range of motion. But, I've signed her up on www.bonesmart.org, a forum for people who have had knee and hip replacements. She's getting feedback from others, including administrators of the site, that suggests she do the PT on her own and stop worrying about ROM. It will come if she's diligent and patient. I think the comments have given her some level of support and comfort. She was encouraged to look for "small victories" each day. I think she's going to quit outside PT and focus on doing this herself. I support that decision. Sounds positive!
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Post by Bob on Nov 13, 2017 10:20:21 GMT -5
She already wrote to the NP at the surgeon's office and the idea of stopping PT was fine with her, so that made my wife very happy. Canceled the planned visit for this week and she's going off to the gym to workout on her own this morning. Definitely a positive sign. I think just knowing that she doesn't have to face PT and knowing that it will hurt (a lot) is a load off her mind. I'll still help her with the stretches and exercises here at home.
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Post by butterfly on Nov 14, 2017 4:02:42 GMT -5
It's not so much the pain being constant as it is the degree of pain during PT exercises combined with a feeling that she's not doing as well as others (PT and folks she's met) say she should be doing in terms of range of motion. But, I've signed her up on www.bonesmart.org, a forum for people who have had knee and hip replacements. She's getting feedback from others, including administrators of the site, that suggests she do the PT on her own and stop worrying about ROM. It will come if she's diligent and patient. I think the comments have given her some level of support and comfort. She was encouraged to look for "small victories" each day. I think she's going to quit outside PT and focus on doing this herself. I support that decision. Sounds positive!
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