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Post by Bob on Nov 8, 2017 13:30:09 GMT -5
Kind of a difficult topic today, as my wife is struggling with her recovery from total knee replacement at the beginning of September. She's convinced herself that she should be doing better (range of motion is on her mind constantly) and comparing herself to others who've had the same operation, but who have reported better progress. She's 8 weeks post-surgery and while her PT says she's doing fine and reassured my wife that this takes time, nothing seems to lift her spirits. She's so down and in the past has been prone to bouts of serious depression. She's now mentioned that feelings of depression are coming on. I'm worried about her, and nothing I seem to say is making her feel any better. This is not what I was expecting in terms of her recovery. We knew it was tough, but I think she's finding it way harder and more frustrating than was expected. Not sure what to do. She goes back to the doctor next month.
Anyone faced a similar situation with their spouse or significant other?
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Post by highlandannie on Nov 8, 2017 13:57:04 GMT -5
Kind of a difficult topic today, as my wife is struggling with her recovery from total knee replacement at the beginning of September. She's convinced herself that she should be doing better (range of motion is on her mind constantly) and comparing herself to others who've had the same operation, but who have reported better progress. She's 8 weeks post-surgery and while her PT says she's doing fine and reassured my wife that this takes time, nothing seems to lift her spirits. She's so down and in the past has been prone to bouts of serious depression. She's now mentioned that feelings of depression are coming on. I'm worried about her, and nothing I seem to say is making her feel any better. This is not what I was expecting in terms of her recovery. We knew it was tough, but I think she's finding it way harder and more frustrating than was expected. Not sure what to do. She goes back to the doctor next month. Anyone faced a similar situation with their spouse or significant other? I'm sorry to hear this, Bob. Was hoping she'd do better after surgery. It can be very difficult to convince someone to be more patient. Not the same thing, but my husband retired because of an 'episode' possibly mini stroke which caused serious vertigo that was so bad he had to retire. He did become depressed as he didn't know if it would be permanent, and neither did the doctors. And as a very active person he found this hard to accept. He was told not to use a cane or he'd be stuck with it for life. He did have some OT and PT and they recommended he go hiking and walk on uneven ground as flat surfaces were too challenging. So he did lots of hiking which he found helpful. He did recover after about 2 years. Don't really know what to recommend as it seems you are doing all you can and so is the PT. Really hope she recovers more quickly so she can feel more optimistic.
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Post by Bob on Nov 8, 2017 14:17:01 GMT -5
Thanks highlandannie. The past few days have hit her spirits particularly hard.
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Post by highlandannie on Nov 8, 2017 14:37:12 GMT -5
Thanks highlandannie . The past few days have hit her spirits particularly hard. Hope you can cheer her up and find a way to make her feel optimistic. Tough, I know.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 8, 2017 15:25:12 GMT -5
Maybe she could get a prescription for anti-depressants to get her through this time of healing. Too many people suffer from depression when they could get relief. You'd be surprised how many people are on these medications. Most don't talk about it because they feel that mental problems are an embarrassment. I hope that attitude will soon change. Depression or the tendency to experience it is hereditary, just like being diabetic is hereditary. I had my left knee replaced in 1999. It took a lot of time to heal. I used a wheel chair and then a walker to get around. The exercises were difficult to do for a while, but I did them. I live alone and had no one to help me. I owned a big dog at that time and had to let him out into the fenced back yard by going down 14 basement steps. I bopped down on my butt and came back up the same way. I found this article on line. It explains long-term and short-term recovery from total knee surgery. bonesmart.org/knee/recovery-total-knee-replacement-surgery/I am on another chat board where a woman just had knee surgery on Oct. 5th. She has been writing about it a lot and we have been cheering her on. If your wife would like the URL of this chat board, let me know. They could compare symptoms. 8-) She will get through this. A year from now she might not remember how much of a problem recovery was and will be back to normal.
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Post by Bob on Nov 8, 2017 15:35:22 GMT -5
Maybe she could get a prescription for anti-depressants to get her through this time of healing. Too many people suffer from depression when they could get relief. You'd be surprised how many people are on these medications. Most don't talk about it because they feel that mental problems are an embarrassment. I hope that attitude will soon change. Depression or the tendency to experience it is hereditary, just like being diabetic is hereditary. I had my left knee replaced in 1999. It took a lot of time to heal. I used a wheel chair and then a walker to get around. The exercises were difficult to do for a while, but I did them. I live alone and had no one to help me. I owned a big dog at that time and had to let him out into the fenced back yard by going down 14 basement steps. I bopped down on my butt and came back up the same way. I found this article on line. It explains long-term and short-term recovery from total knee surgery. bonesmart.org/knee/recovery-total-knee-replacement-surgery/I am on another chat board where a woman just had knee surgery on Oct. 5th. She has been writing about it a lot and we have been cheering her on. If your wife would like the URL of this chat board, let me know. They could compare symptoms. She will get through this. A year from now she might not remember how much of a problem recovery was and will be back to normal. To your point about anti-depressants, my wife is on a mild prescription now and has been for some time. Depression sucks. Thanks for the note about bonesmart.org. We are using that quite a bit, and I'm actually citing that too her frequently as evidence that she's doing fine. I'll ask her about joining the chat board you mentioned. Thanks for the offer.
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Post by QuickSilver on Nov 9, 2017 7:06:54 GMT -5
Sorry to hear your wife is having a difficult time.. It's hard to watch a person you love suffer either physically or mentally. Sometimes I think it's harder for people who have always been relatively healthy to deal with health issues. I agree that a group might help. Does the Medical center have a support group for those recovering from orthopedic surgeries?
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Post by butterfly on Nov 10, 2017 1:54:05 GMT -5
Bob, is she able to get out of the house at all -- I mean with your help and maybe a wheelchair? When I was recovering from my hip replacements (which is a lot easier than recovering from knees) and before my surgeries when I was so crippled up, I greatly looked forward to getting out of the house, even if it was just to go for a ride or go get groceries or go get my hair done. I had friends and family who helped me and it made a lot of difference.
My husband was seriously injured (and disabled) in a car crash years before, and he refused to make any attempt to reintegrate into life in any way, regardless of what his medical people (or I) tried, and became more sullen, angry and withdrawn. The ending was not good.
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Post by formerlyme on Nov 10, 2017 2:16:07 GMT -5
I'm so sorry to learn, Bob, that your wife is discouraged with the progress of her recovery. If she keeps up with her physical therapy, she will keep improving, but perhaps not as quickly as she had expected. I don't have any wise advice, but want to pass along my 'well wishes' that as she makes progress, her spirits will lift. In the meantime, you are doing what you can by being a supportive spouse.
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Post by Bob on Nov 10, 2017 5:59:55 GMT -5
formerlyme, butterfly and QuickSilver, thanks for your thoughts and well wishes. My wife is able to get around pretty well and frequently uses a cane. She had another PT session yesterday and got her range of motion to 105%, but the therapist was honest with her and said that the number wasn't going to improve unless she can get past the pain of breaking up the adhesions that have formed in the knee. It didn't help that the patient sitting nearby had my wife's former therapist announcing a ROM of 120%, so my wife feels so down. She's made an appointment with the NP at her surgeon's office for next week so we can get some answers. And if all this weren't enough to deal with, she went for a bone density scan yesterday and the technician commented on something she was on the readings that has now caused (perhaps unnecessary) alarm. Yesterday was not a good day. I am being supportive, but sometimes it's tough to keep trying to stay positive in the wake of so much negativity.
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Post by highlandannie on Nov 10, 2017 7:16:47 GMT -5
formerlyme , butterfly and QuickSilver , thanks for your thoughts and well wishes. My wife is able to get around pretty well and frequently uses a cane. She had another PT session yesterday and got her range of motion to 105%, but the therapist was honest with her and said that the number wasn't going to improve unless she can get past the pain of breaking up the adhesions that have formed in the knee. It didn't help that the patient sitting nearby had my wife's former therapist announcing a ROM of 120%, so my wife feels so down. She's made an appointment with the NP at her surgeon's office for next week so we can get some answers. And if all this weren't enough to deal with, she went for a bone density scan yesterday and the technician commented on something she was on the readings that has now caused (perhaps unnecessary) alarm. Yesterday was not a good day. I am being supportive, but sometimes it's tough to keep trying to stay positive in the wake of so much negativity. Sorry, Bob. It sounds like your wife is supposed to keep moving even when it hurts to break things up in the knee? I'm sure it didn't help at all if she was told her bone density was too low. Hope there are improvements soon. Is it helpful for your wife to look forward to getting a new house?
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Post by 2old on Nov 10, 2017 7:22:54 GMT -5
So easy to fall into a state of depression when a medical issue severely limits one's expectations of their quality of life. Having numerous surgeries over the years... including a total knee replacement... understand how quickly negative thoughts can invade the mind. My worst was when much younger. Went off a building in 1977 and shattered a knee as I landed on frozen ground. 31 days in the hospital with wife and two babies at home. How would they eat? Would I ever be able to support them? All those questions. The big one was "Why me?" Then, they moved a quad into the room with me. He had broken his neck in an auto accident and was paralyzed from the neck down. He could "swing" his arms by some movement from his upper body. The young man fed himself, shaved himself, and smoked. (That was back when you could smoke in hospital rooms.) Scared me to death. But, my spirits were lifted just knowing that I would recover and this young man would live out his life with zero hope of anything but being bedridden.
I don't know what your State's laws are re medical marijuana or even hemp oil. So many cancer patients find some relief from not only the pain, but the depression by small daily doses of what so many refer to as "weed". The powerful pharma lobbies have legislators in their pockets and work hard to let people suffer or become addicted to pain killers and/or anti-depressants rather than legalize a natural cure.
Your wife is so blessed to have a supportive spouse as yourself. Keep wearing a smile, even if you are frowning inside. With your help, hopefully she will come through this and it be another of those "speed bumps" so many find difficult when encountered but pretty soon they are behind us.
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Post by formerlyme on Nov 10, 2017 14:17:30 GMT -5
Yes, Bob, this is a difficult time for you and your wife. I believe that your wife is in the throes of what I call 'awfulizing'. All you can do is remind her of the good things in her life, like the fact that when she gets through therapy and healing, her life will be much improved over what it was before surgery. Not so many years ago, there was no such thing as knee replacement; people had to live with disability and pain. It's great that she can walk, even if with a cane. There is the lovely new home to look forward to. She has a loyal, supportive husband, and a competent therapist. Some people go through this (and worse) completely on their own. If her bone density test indicates osteoporosis, there are effective treatments for that. She has many blessings that she needs to focus on, even though getting her to do this may be ''easier said than done' if she is prone to depression.
In the meantime, Bob, you must do things to look after yourself and keep your own spirits up. Take time out to do things you find relaxing and enjoyable. If need be, take breaks from the home on your own, whether it be a long walk, doing errands, taking photos, visiting a friend...anything that can help 'innoculate' you against the negativity at this time.
This challenging time will pass, and I hope the best for the both of you. #huggy
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Post by helen on Nov 10, 2017 15:15:12 GMT -5
I speak as a total knee replacement patient although it has been almost 10 years. Each patient is different, each surgery is different, each recovery is different. You can't compare someone else's recovery story to your own progress. Yours is the only one that matters anyway.
Therapy is painful. If it doesn't hurt, it isn't doing any good. My doctor told me this prior to surgery and he also said, "If you're not going to do the therapy, the surgery is a waste of my time and your money."
Something that helped me through the therapy .... about 15 minutes before session, I took a healthy tot of brandy along with a mild muscle relaxant. Also found that listening to relaxing music as well as books on tape helped to distract me from the pain. Use your scariest voice and read some Edgar Allen Poe to her. Or your silliest and read something funny. Anything to get her mind to another place until the therapy session is over. Ice packs following exercise helped.
And for me it was a very slow process. But I'm now 84 and my knees work just fine. They do all that I ask of them without complaint. Wish rest of body did as well.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 10, 2017 15:22:30 GMT -5
Kind of a difficult topic today, as my wife is struggling with her recovery from total knee replacement at the beginning of September. She's convinced herself that she should be doing better (range of motion is on her mind constantly) and comparing herself to others who've had the same operation, but who have reported better progress. She's 8 weeks post-surgery and while her PT says she's doing fine and reassured my wife that this takes time, nothing seems to lift her spirits. She's so down and in the past has been prone to bouts of serious depression. She's now mentioned that feelings of depression are coming on. I'm worried about her, and nothing I seem to say is making her feel any better. This is not what I was expecting in terms of her recovery. We knew it was tough, but I think she's finding it way harder and more frustrating than was expected. Not sure what to do. She goes back to the doctor next month. Anyone faced a similar situation with their spouse or significant other? My wife has epilepsy. Right now she is nursing a fractured collarbone from a fall she had two weeks ago when she had a seizure. Five years ago she had to have a total hip replacement due to a bicycle crash because of a seizure. The hip replacement took several months to recover from. And she does get depressed a lot due to her condition so I am familiar very familiar with your situation. I don't have any answers though. It's tough. You just have to take it one day at a time.
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