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Post by Drifter on Apr 7, 2020 4:57:40 GMT -5
highlandannie No words can describe how sorry I am for your loss. My thoughts are with you at this time.
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Post by highlandannie on Apr 7, 2020 11:40:10 GMT -5
Annie,I am so sorry. What a terrible shock for you, especially since it seemed he was improving. I don't have any adequate words, but you have my deepest, heartfelt sympathy. Thanks. He had gone downhill one night then improved. Then did really well once the fever broke. He was doing so well that day and they were about to test whether he could breathe without the tube. Then kidneys and heart went. They tried. Good hospital. Worst feeling ever.
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Post by QuickSilver on Apr 7, 2020 11:48:21 GMT -5
Annie,I am so sorry. What a terrible shock for you, especially since it seemed he was improving. I don't have any adequate words, but you have my deepest, heartfelt sympathy. Thanks. He had gone downhill one night then improved. Then did really well once the fever broke. He was doing so well that day and they were about to test whether he could breathe without the tube. Then kidneys and heart went. They tried. Good hospital. Worst feeling ever. I cannot fathom the grief... though we have never met in person, I think of you all the time.. I know that if something should happen to one of my sons in this pandemic, I would be helpless.. I would not be able to be with them even though we live in the same area. The feeling of not being able to do anything is what is so gut wrenching to me.. It's a gnawing fear.. there is no end in sight at the moment. Just hold on to Danny as tight as you can.. He will be your strength now.. as I know Mike would be mine..
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Post by highlandannie on Apr 7, 2020 13:13:17 GMT -5
Thanks. He had gone downhill one night then improved. Then did really well once the fever broke. He was doing so well that day and they were about to test whether he could breathe without the tube. Then kidneys and heart went. They tried. Good hospital. Worst feeling ever. I cannot fathom the grief... though we have never met in person, I think of you all the time.. I know that if something should happen to one of my sons in this pandemic, I would be helpless.. I would not be able to be with them even though we live in the same area. The feeling of not being able to do anything is what is so gut wrenching to me.. It's a gnawing fear.. there is no end in sight at the moment. Just hold on to Danny as tight as you can.. He will be your strength now.. as I know Mike would be mine.. Thanks for the thoughts. Danny is great at hugging and saying the right thing. I know how all those other families feel. Can't even visit the person in hospital or have a service or be with family. It's torture. I wondered when this all began if I would lose someone. Didn't think it would be my baby. I have amazing relatives who are making arrangements over there for me. So a LOT of online or video chatting. I chat often with his oldest daughter - 14.
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Post by QuickSilver on Apr 7, 2020 14:45:15 GMT -5
When my oldest son was ten years old.... he was shot in the face by a playmate.. I was at work, my mother was watching my boys.. She gave permission for my son to go to a classmate's house to work on a science project. She did not realize that the boy was home alone and no adult was present. The two 10 year old boys found the mother's gun and were taking turns playing with it and pretending to shoot each other.. There was one bullet left in the clip and it fired striking my son in the jaw and lodging the bullet near his carotid artery.. I got a frantic call from my mother telling me to come home... "your son has been shot".
So why do I tell this story? I tell it because on the way to my mother's house, I didn't know if my child was dead or alive.. That was 40 years ago.... The terror of that feeling still haunts me.. This virus plague makes me feel as vulnerable as I felt 40 years ago..
I NEVER tell this story... but I felt like getting it off my chest today.. My son survived.. He is out there now with Covid.. So is my younger boy. I am stressed to the absolute max.
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Post by formerlyme on Apr 7, 2020 15:34:33 GMT -5
A very scary story, QuickSilver . The fear must have been beyond belief! I'm glad you shared it, and I hope that brought you some relief. I don't know if I'd want to go on if my only child died; I suppose I'd have to for my grandson, but even thinking about the possibility of losing either one is frightening. I can understand your feelings of vulnerability; I share them because I'm 76 with more than one serious underlying health condition, and my son works.
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Post by highlandannie on Apr 8, 2020 1:21:15 GMT -5
When my oldest son was ten years old.... he was shot in the face by a playmate.. I was at work, my mother was watching my boys.. She gave permission for my son to go to a classmate's house to work on a science project. She did not realize that the boy was home alone and no adult was present. The two 10 year old boys found the mother's gun and were taking turns playing with it and pretending to shoot each other.. There was one bullet left in the clip and it fired striking my son in the jaw and lodging the bullet near his carotid artery.. I got a frantic call from my mother telling me to come home... "your son has been shot".
So why do I tell this story? I tell it because on the way to my mother's house, I didn't know if my child was dead or alive.. That was 40 years ago.... The terror of that feeling still haunts me.. This virus plague makes me feel as vulnerable as I felt 40 years ago..
I NEVER tell this story... but I felt like getting it off my chest today.. My son survived.. He is out there now with Covid.. So is my younger boy. I am stressed to the absolute max. OMG what a horrible experience!!
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Post by highlandannie on Apr 8, 2020 1:35:37 GMT -5
I never thought about how stressful it was going to be trying to make arrangements from abroad. I am next of kin since he's divorced. Haven't spoken to his father in 40 years but am in touch with a couple of his sisters.
My dear son was not an organised buy. No will of course. Have no idea how to go about collecting life insurance (me as beneficiary and to be spent on his 2 daughters). I have his bank account details so I guess I can handle closing it. Bills, credit cards. No idea. His work has been notified. Having a helluva time arranging cremation because of having to give authorization - both me and his father. My sis in law and sister are helping with this.
I have bonded with his girlfriend online and she told me they were talking about marriage. I would have loved to have a daughter in law I actually liked. Will his ex allow me time his daughters? She isn't required. I text constantly with the 14 year old. And video chat.
The reason I want a cremation is because you can't even have a service now (I know why all those bereaved families were crying on tv interviews). If we have an urn we can have a service/memorial when we are all able to travel. Also we can buy the urn in a small spot in between my parents graves. I find that very comforting to think of him between his beloved grandparents.
I set up a group on FB and uploaded tons of photos and asked for others to add theirs. And there are lots now. And lovely comments. Going through photos yesterday was a punch in the gut but a friend told me it will do that now but later on I will find them all comforting.
Thanks for letting me go on.
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Post by QuickSilver on Apr 8, 2020 6:54:11 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing with us.. I know I will be in the same position, albeit, not from abroad, if something happens to my older son Richard.... I would be the next of kin since he has never married.. My youngest son Ron is married.. unfortunately, his wife and I haven't spoken in 10 years.. I asked him a week ago if I would even be notified.. I wouldn't put it past her to not even tell me if my son is hospitalized.. she is a hateful person.. I brought this up to him and he assured me that this has been discussed and he said she would tell me. I wonder..
Yesterday I made Jambalaya for dinner.. while it was cooking I looked up the lyrics to the song.. I started to sing it, and I burst into tears... It's hardly a sad song... I have no connection with Louisiana or the bayou... What in the hell is WRONG with me???????? I think I understand it.. I am a person who has always felt responsible for the welfare of others especially my kids... I am a control freak.... There has never been another time in my life where I felt less capable affecting any outcome... or less in control.
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Post by highlandannie on Apr 8, 2020 15:43:59 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing with us.. I know I will be in the same position, albeit, not from abroad, if something happens to my older son Richard.... I would be the next of kin since he has never married.. My youngest son Ron is married.. unfortunately, his wife and I haven't spoken in 10 years.. I asked him a week ago if I would even be notified.. I wouldn't put it past her to not even tell me if my son is hospitalized.. she is a hateful person.. I brought this up to him and he assured me that this has been discussed and he said she would tell me. I wonder..
Yesterday I made Jambalaya for dinner.. while it was cooking I looked up the lyrics to the song.. I started to sing it, and I burst into tears... It's hardly a sad song... I have no connection with Louisiana or the bayou... What in the hell is WRONG with me???????? I think I understand it.. I am a person who has always felt responsible for the welfare of others especially my kids... I am a control freak.... There has never been another time in my life where I felt less capable affecting any outcome... or less in control.
My ex daughter in law is a horrible human being. Why he was ever with her I never knew. And now I have to be nice to her so I'll get time with my granddaughters. Didn't matter before. My son would have them for a week or 2 in summer and that meant a week or 2 with all of them. I have no rights as a grandparent.
I only knew my son was in the hospital with covid because he sent a short text. The only thing I could so was contact the ex. She knew because he was supposed to pick up the girls. She kept me updated about his progress because put her as contact because of the girls needing to know. Her reports were often garbled. A BP with only one number? A white blood count of 2?? WTF. And it will be months before I can hug my granddaughters.
Everybody is stressed and depressed because of this damn lockdown too.
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Post by nkat on Apr 8, 2020 16:23:28 GMT -5
Annie, a grandparent has no rights? That stinks. Hope and pray that you can see them.
Hugs Nkat
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Post by birdgal on Apr 8, 2020 23:07:46 GMT -5
Annie, I'm so very sorry. ((((Annie))))
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Post by QuickSilver on Apr 9, 2020 7:06:57 GMT -5
Annie, a grandparent has no rights? That stinks. Hope and pray that you can see them. Hugs Nkat That's true nkat... A grandparent has zero rights.. No court can order visitation with a grandchild if the parent refuses. If anything happened to my son I know I would never be able to see his children.. my grandchildren.. The only contact I have been allowed with them in the last 10 years has been when my son brought them over to my house. and that's only been three or four times a year for a few hours. I have never been allowed to babysit or to take the kids out to a movie or a park.. so if a grandparent wants to see their grandchildren they must beg or kiss butt...
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Post by QuickSilver on Apr 9, 2020 7:11:51 GMT -5
Thank you for sharing with us.. I know I will be in the same position, albeit, not from abroad, if something happens to my older son Richard.... I would be the next of kin since he has never married.. My youngest son Ron is married.. unfortunately, his wife and I haven't spoken in 10 years.. I asked him a week ago if I would even be notified.. I wouldn't put it past her to not even tell me if my son is hospitalized.. she is a hateful person.. I brought this up to him and he assured me that this has been discussed and he said she would tell me. I wonder..
Yesterday I made Jambalaya for dinner.. while it was cooking I looked up the lyrics to the song.. I started to sing it, and I burst into tears... It's hardly a sad song... I have no connection with Louisiana or the bayou... What in the hell is WRONG with me???????? I think I understand it.. I am a person who has always felt responsible for the welfare of others especially my kids... I am a control freak.... There has never been another time in my life where I felt less capable affecting any outcome... or less in control.
My ex daughter in law is a horrible human being. Why he was ever with her I never knew. And now I have to be nice to her so I'll get time with my granddaughters. Didn't matter before. My son would have them for a week or 2 in summer and that meant a week or 2 with all of them. I have no rights as a grandparent.
I only knew my son was in the hospital with covid because he sent a short text. The only thing I could so was contact the ex. She knew because he was supposed to pick up the girls. She kept me updated about his progress because put her as contact because of the girls needing to know. Her reports were often garbled. A BP with only one number? A white blood count of 2?? WTF. And it will be months before I can hug my granddaughters.
Everybody is stressed and depressed because of this d*mn lockdown too. As Patrick's next of kin (since he was divorced from his girl's mother) were you not kept informed by the hospital? I'm surprised that you couldn't call and demand information.. and had to rely on her for a piece-meal report. How frustrating...
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Post by highlandannie on Apr 9, 2020 10:55:04 GMT -5
As Patrick's next of kin (since he was divorced from his girl's mother) were you not kept informed by the hospital? I'm surprised that you couldn't call and demand information.. and had to rely on her for a piece-meal report. How frustrating... Yes, should have been. But ex dil (lies like Trump) said she told hospital she was ex. Son put her as first contact so his daughters would know what was happening. Hospital had her down as wife.
I asked them to call me and they never did. I assumed it was because of the charges for overseas calls. Nope. She let them think she was the wife and next of kin.
I have relatives who are helping over there. When ex dil (had to get the info from her) called and told me he had died she said autopsy was standard for covid (no!). Told sis in law and she phoned hospital. She told them she was his ex wife and not his next of kin. So the hospital put a halt to it.
Medical examiner called ex dil to find out what was up. She had apparently told hospital they were technically still married. But then she admitted to him they were divorced 3 years. He asked her to tell her next of kin to call him. She texted me the number - had no idea what it was about. He asked me did I want an autopsy done and I said NO. He set up a conference call as they need a witness. Then he asked me again did I want an autopsy. NO. Fine. That was settled.
I made the mistake of telling her no autopsy and she wanted to know why. She was upset. She said she wanted to know why his heart gave out. And that they told her it was standard. I said it wasn't and that she had asked for autopsy claiming to be his wife. Anyway back and forth back and forth. She claimed she told them she was ex and that she did not order an autopsy. Liar.
I shouldn't have said a thing. She is the key to access to my granddaughters. Have to be nice to this evil b*tch.
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