Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2019 21:14:11 GMT -5
~ A bear walks into a restaurant and say’s “I want a grilllllled………………………………………cheese.” The waiter says “Whats with the pause?”
The bear replies “Whaddya mean, I’M A BEAR.”
***
~ I went in to a pet shop. I said, “Can I buy a goldfish?” The guy said, “Do you want an aquarium?”
I said, “I don’t care what star sign it is.”
***
~ A man is walking in the desert with his horse and his dog when the dog says, “I can’t do this. I need water.” The man says, “I didn’t know dogs could talk.”
The horse says, “Me neither!”
***
~A guy goes into a lawyer’s office and asks the lawyer: “Excuse me, how much do you charge?”
The lawyer responds: “I charge $1,000 to answer three questions.”
“Bloody hell – That’s a bit expensive isn’t it?”
“Yes. What’s your third question?”
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Post by Deleted on May 6, 2019 21:27:50 GMT -5
~ What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste. *** ~ I waited and stayed up all night and tried to figure out where the sun was. Then it dawned on me. *** ~ How did the yahoo die ice fishing? He was hit by the zamboni. *** ~ Never criticize someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’ll be a mile away, and you’ll have their shoes. *** ~ What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between you and me, something smells. *** ~ What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common? Same middle name. *** ~ If you want to find out who loves you more, stick your wife and dog in the trunk of your car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is happy to see you? THAT'S ALL FOLKS!
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Post by chinadoll1981 on May 7, 2019 5:25:17 GMT -5
You and Rebecca!!
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Post by rebecca2013 on May 8, 2019 13:51:49 GMT -5
These were great @rubyk !!
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2019 8:48:28 GMT -5
Thanks. I certainly enjoyed them.
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Post by formerlyme on May 9, 2019 12:54:50 GMT -5
Thanks for the chuckles, @rubyk. Loved them!
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2019 14:09:28 GMT -5
Thank you. They are so silly that they are funny.
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Post by TheSource on May 9, 2019 20:52:55 GMT -5
There once was a guy that stayed up all night studying for his urine test.
He passed.
____________ ____________
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Post by chinadoll1981 on May 10, 2019 4:55:54 GMT -5
There once was a guy that stayed up all night studying for his urine test.
He passed.
____________ ____________
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Post by TheSource on May 10, 2019 20:26:26 GMT -5
A ham sandwich walks into a bar and orders a beer, bartender says “sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
What do you call an alligator detective? An Investi-gator.
Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What’s the difference between the bird flu and the swine flu? One requires tweetment and the other an oinkment.
What did the policeman say to his bellybutton? You’re under a vest.
Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honeycombs.
What do you call fake spaghetti? An im-pasta.
How do you stop a bull from charging? Cancel its credit card.
Why did the mushroom go to the party? Because he was a fungi.
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, “Shouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!” “Don’t worry,” said the doc. “Those are just contractions.”
What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches? A nervous wreck.
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Post by rebecca2013 on May 16, 2019 12:56:25 GMT -5
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Post by SirFurryanimalWales on Jul 15, 2019 16:32:55 GMT -5
Blonde - Doctor Visit
"I can't find a cause for your illness," the doctor said. "Frankly, I think it's due to drinking." "In that case," replied his blonde patient, "I'll come back when you're sober."
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Post by 2old on Jul 15, 2019 20:09:55 GMT -5
I'm a 72 year old with the body of a 50 year old.
Any tips on where to bury her?
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Post by 2old on Jul 15, 2019 20:10:52 GMT -5
Police officer: Whose car is this, where are you going, and what do you do for a living?
Miner: Mine
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Post by rebecca2013 on Jul 16, 2019 8:30:47 GMT -5
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