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Post by tnthomas on Jul 2, 2018 10:42:33 GMT -5
"I'm always brutally honest" When I hear that from someone I think: passive-aggressive tendencies.
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Post by birdgal on Jul 2, 2018 10:42:54 GMT -5
I don't think complete and total honesty is the best policy in every single situation. A child shows you a picture she colored in a coloring book and it's terrible. Do you say, "Oh, how pretty. Good job?" Then, suggest next time she try to say in the lines?
Everybody knows politicians and those who work for them tell bold faced lies every time they open their mouths. Those lies can and do harm people. Encouraging a child to keep on drawing by complimenting her terrible work is, imho, a harmless little white lie and I'm okay with that.
I agree with telling a grown up that dress doesn't look good on you. I'd want someone to tell me the truth instead of having other people pointing and laughing at me behind my back.
I don't know one person that's completely and totally honest in every single situation. But, I live in NY. lol.
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Post by tnthomas on Jul 2, 2018 11:10:47 GMT -5
I agree with telling a grown up that dress doesn't look good on you. Constructive criticism is meant to benefit those on the receiving end, but sometimes either the delivery is botched, or the recipient doesn't understand the concept of Constructive criticism .
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Post by rebecca2013 on Jul 2, 2018 11:19:21 GMT -5
Hah.... well I'll give you an example of Ziyi's honesty.... It was just like in your example QuickSilver.... I had an outfit .. I thought it was cute.... Ziyi sort of frowned and said "well......"
I said so?? what do you think.... she said well...... you look like a dork in it....
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Post by QuickSilver on Jul 2, 2018 12:00:37 GMT -5
Hah.... well I'll give you an example of Ziyi's honesty.... It was just like in your example QuickSilver .... I had an outfit .. I thought it was cute.... Ziyi sort of frowned and said "well......"
I said so?? what do you think.... she said well...... you look like a dork in it.... I also think it depends who is asking... Someone you have a very close and intimate relationship can get away with more honesty than a work associate or casual friend.. why? because you trust them... and value their opinion... I can understand that... It's doubtful Ziyi would tell a client or a casual friend they look like a dork in an outfit. Don't you agree? It would be much more prudent to fib and walk away.
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Post by tnthomas on Jul 2, 2018 12:06:39 GMT -5
It's doubtful Ziyi would tell a client or a casual friend they look like a dork in an outfit. Don't you agree? It would be much more prudent to fib and walk away. Actually, Ziyi is a...therapist or does some kind of counseling... yes? Usually people in the behavioral health field are against such practices as the "white lie", and encourage more honest approaches...albeit, more tactful honesty.
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Post by QuickSilver on Jul 2, 2018 12:11:58 GMT -5
It's doubtful Ziyi would tell a client or a casual friend they look like a dork in an outfit. Don't you agree? It would be much more prudent to fib and walk away. Actually, Ziyi is a...therapist or does some kind of counseling... yes? Usually people in the behavioral health field are against such practices as the "white lie", and encourage more honest approaches...albeit, more tactful honesty. That would be true in most instances where you are seeking the advise or services of a professional trained in a particular field.. A financial advisor can tell you your way of handling finances is completely wrong.. A nurse can tell you that you are dangerously overweight and need to address a more healthy lifestyle.... and a fashion advisor can tell you that you look like a dork in an outfit... But I'm not talking about dealing with people on a professional level... just day to day interactions with people you come across.
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Post by rebecca2013 on Jul 2, 2018 12:55:43 GMT -5
Hah.... well I'll give you an example of Ziyi's honesty.... It was just like in your example QuickSilver .... I had an outfit .. I thought it was cute.... Ziyi sort of frowned and said "well......"
I said so?? what do you think.... she said well...... you look like a dork in it.... I also think it depends who is asking... Someone you have a very close and intimate relationship can get away with more honesty than a work associate or casual friend.. why? because you trust them... and value their opinion... I can understand that... It's doubtful Ziyi would tell a client or a casual friend they look like a dork in an outfit. Don't you agree? It would be much more prudent to fib and walk away. true..... with patients, she rarely has personal conversations..... with a casual friend.... more than likely she just be quiet.... not fib but just not say anything knowing her....
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Post by tnthomas on Jul 2, 2018 13:02:49 GMT -5
not fib but just not say anything That's my preferred approach, I can capitalize on my known hard-of-hearing condition. ;-)
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Post by Drifter on Jul 2, 2018 13:03:15 GMT -5
Fat shaming never works.
I'd rather be upfront & honest than putting up the facade using white lies. If someone doesn't like my honesty, then they can stop asking me for my opinion re: their hair, clothes, etc. If someone continues to hurt my feelings under the guise of "brutal" honesty.. I would do more than stop asking their opinion... I would avoid them completely.. there is no reason to be insulting and then pretend you are doing it for their own good... particularly when a little white lie would salvage their feelings. It's a form of bullying. The minute someone says to me.. "I'm always brutally honest" I know they really don't anyone's best interest at heart.. they are looking to be cruel. I have yet to have anyone come up to me in all the years I've been on this earth and tell me, "I'm always brutally honest."
With my relatives and friends, we are comfortable around each other to be open and honest without having feelings hurt. I'd rather have friends like that then ones that feel it's okay to lie. Facing someone, one on one, the body language would tell it all.
Fat shaming is also a form of bullying.
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Post by tnthomas on Jul 2, 2018 13:17:01 GMT -5
Might I add, that no kind of 'shaming' ever works. Shaming used to be a popular tool for eliciting behavioral change in another person, but thankfully those days are gone.
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Post by QuickSilver on Jul 2, 2018 13:43:11 GMT -5
If someone continues to hurt my feelings under the guise of "brutal" honesty.. I would do more than stop asking their opinion... I would avoid them completely.. there is no reason to be insulting and then pretend you are doing it for their own good... particularly when a little white lie would salvage their feelings. It's a form of bullying. The minute someone says to me.. "I'm always brutally honest" I know they really don't anyone's best interest at heart.. they are looking to be cruel. I have yet to have anyone come up to me in all the years I've been on this earth and tell me, "I'm always brutally honest."
With my relatives and friends, we are comfortable around each other to be open and honest without having feelings hurt. I'd rather have friends like that then ones that feel it's okay to lie. Facing someone, one on one, the body language would tell it all.
Fat shaming is also a form of bullying. I have heard people say that.. If not exactly in those words... then words to that effect. Something on the order of "that's just how I am...I'm always honest.. if someone doesn't like it that's too bad" OR If someone doesn't like my honesty, then they can stop asking me for my opinion re: their hair, clothes, etc." Well not everyone does.. and like you said.. you have to be careful just WHO you are being too honest with.. It may not be received the way you have intended. What's with the "fat shaming"? I have never fat shamed anyone... I have had to tell MANY people that their excess weight was killing them though... I have had to tell them that part of their health issues were due to their weight.. But I have told them that in my professional capacity as a cardiac nurse.. I have also told my both my son's that.. as both are dangerously approaching obesity, and I am their mother.. I have yet to walk up to a casual acquaintance or stranger and commented on their obesity.. They are not my problem.. and I'm not getting paid to give them advise..
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Post by tnthomas on Jul 2, 2018 15:29:19 GMT -5
What's with the "fat shaming"? I've been hearing that term recently, I guess it's the practice of berating someone who's fat, ostensibly with the purpose of 'helping' them see the error of their ways.
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Post by chinadoll1981 on Jul 2, 2018 16:55:44 GMT -5
Hah.... well I'll give you an example of Ziyi's honesty.... It was just like in your example QuickSilver .... I had an outfit .. I thought it was cute.... Ziyi sort of frowned and said "well......"
I said so?? what do you think.... she said well...... you look like a dork in it.... I also think it depends who is asking... Someone you have a very close and intimate relationship can get away with more honesty than a work associate or casual friend.. why? because you trust them... and value their opinion... I can understand that... It's doubtful Ziyi would tell a client or a casual friend they look like a dork in an outfit. Don't you agree? It would be much more prudent to fib and walk away. HEY!!!! I NEVER SAID DORK...... I said dingus....
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Post by QuickSilver on Jul 2, 2018 18:01:30 GMT -5
What's with the "fat shaming"? I've been hearing that term recently, I guess it's the practice of berating someone who's fat, ostensibly with the purpose of 'helping' them see the error of their ways. It was part of my job to do that... You don't provide nursing care for an obese person who has had a major heart attack and not address their obesity.. That would be malpractice. "Berating" isn't part of the nursing plan.
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