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Post by rosa427 on Aug 23, 2017 9:04:15 GMT -5
Has it ever happen to you, people who respond favorably to you or respond to you period over the net or various media communication, they find out your age, race, gender or whatever factor, suddenly, they cease to be as friendly or just cut all communications with you. I ask, because I've lived with this happening for most of my life, even before the internet became to be; whether it be via phone then meeting in person, but, these days most via net forums. Seems people assume you are one thing till you spell out. Generally, I rarely feel a need to announce my age, race or even gender unless a specific topic of conversation lends itself to causing me to do so.
Unfortunately, I find even people who often complain of having been victims of hatefulness from others often perpetuate this same behavior. I know I'm no saint, and if I'm ever not nice to someone in general, I personally don't mind being called out on it and will amend my ways. It's often good for those of us who think we are innocents to take a look at how we harbor our own demons in these areas and how we treat people around us.
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Post by rebecca2013 on Aug 23, 2017 9:44:25 GMT -5
psychologically speaking many people form a vision about the features the personality the gender all factors about someone as they communicate. After finding out what really the person is such as race or even what they do in life, the illusions that were manufactured no longer have relevance for them. Often or not it was the unknown which attracted them in the first place.
I do not do social media I do not have Facebook nor do I use Instagram or Twitter or any other forms of such. Part of the reason is what I do for Uncle Sam would make it hard for me to perform my job duties, keep my family safe and other issues and partly it is also a personal issue. But I think that people often have "issues" online which do not correspond to behaviors which they normally exhibit off line and in normal interactions with people. People often have what is called an enhanced view about the world online. They may post things in social media without thought or even something that in a normal conversation, would never say to other person such as deeply embedded hostility or even racism . Sometimes people do a mental comparison of others, to actually believe that the person "speaking" online is exactly like ourselves, we become very comfortable with that person. Often that familiarity may turn to conflict or even hostility when a change in viewpoints and ideas comes in conflict of what we hold as "sacred". Self-control is a strong factor when people "lose" themselves online, where emotional issues become crusades and often result in on-line bullying and trolling of others. Poor self control is often the major reason for online conflicts in social media arenas. After all... it is much easier to argue, fight and have battles with people online than in real life. Things which are said online can not be tempered by actually seeing the person's expressions and interpretations of their feelings by looking directly at them, we just read words.... without the knowledge of the actual expression of those words. Children often say "I hate you" when faced with a frustrating interaction with another person. Do they actually hate that person? In all probability, no they are just voicing their immediate frustration at the subject. In social media, often people may say I hate you and go into great details of why they do. The mechanics are the same, it is related to their own frustrations.
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Post by rosa427 on Aug 23, 2017 10:09:02 GMT -5
I get what you are saying, but, that's not anything what I'm referring to, and I do agree with a lot of what you stated on the subject of what you are speaking about, though it's not what I was trying to get across, probably not quite eloquently enough. Sometimes it's just as simple as a person thought they were speaking to a person of similar race, age, gender, nothing more, nothing deeper. I'm not talking based on a particular conversation. Some people go from being friendly, being best buds based on nothing other than they thought you were, their age or it's often in my case it's assumed I'm not a person of color. Just that simple. I'm not talking about people suddenly changing feelings based on conversation. Say if you know all factors about me, except for say race and you have had nothing but been kind words and open communications with me till you discovered, be it by my saying so or by my picture that I am not white and you suddenly cut off all friendly chat because of ones own feelings toward that race of people, what does it say about that person. People can say, it's in ones own head, but, I've lived it so I know what that feels like when it happens, nothing to do with anything other than one's on preconceived notions on race. This can also happen if a younger or older person finds out the person they befriended is 10 or more years older or younger. So you and I are talking about different things here. Bad blood based on interactions causing one to cut communication, isn't what I was referring to such things I do hope now that based on my race, I won't for some reason now seem more aggressive for having strong opinions or being overly sensitive, as when I've seen others given support for feelings in similar areas. Having to defend myself more now as you know, some people will ascribe to certain stereotyping even if they don't mean to. |
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Post by rosa427 on Aug 23, 2017 10:16:08 GMT -5
Rebecca, sorry if I sound dismissive, I don't mean to.
BTW, this past weekend, I spent time in a town that had a lot of confederate flags flying through the air, I also encountered a couple of women in the group who acted as if I didn't exist, there were even a few people at the camp site wearing confederate t-shirts, some people gave me nasty looks. None of those things mattered as most of the women in my group and the majority of the neighboring campers were so wonderful, and I spent as little time as possible thinking on what could go wrong. Many of my group members were very protective of me. I rarely even give these race things much thought until others bring them upon me.
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Post by rebecca2013 on Aug 23, 2017 11:22:33 GMT -5
Rebecca, sorry if I sound dismissive, I don't mean to. BTW, this past weekend, I spent time in a town that had a lot of confederate flags flying through the air, I also encountered a couple of women in the group who acted as if I didn't exist, there were even a few people at the camp site wearing confederate t-shirts, some people gave me nasty looks. None of those things mattered as most of the women in my group and the majority of the neighboring campers were so wonderful, and I spent as little time as possible thinking on what could go wrong. Many of my group members were very protective of me. I rarely even give these race things much thought until others bring them upon me. Not at all.... I have a more clearer understanding of what you were saying. I can also understand your feelings concerning being in a situation like you experienced. I am Mexican born and raised, of Mayan decent I am not white and often am treated differently by some, I speak with an heavy accent and often some look at me... differently |
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Post by rosa427 on Aug 23, 2017 11:39:19 GMT -5
Rebecca, sorry if I sound dismissive, I don't mean to. BTW, this past weekend, I spent time in a town that had a lot of confederate flags flying through the air, I also encountered a couple of women in the group who acted as if I didn't exist, there were even a few people at the camp site wearing confederate t-shirts, some people gave me nasty looks. None of those things mattered as most of the women in my group and the majority of the neighboring campers were so wonderful, and I spent as little time as possible thinking on what could go wrong. Many of my group members were very protective of me. I rarely even give these race things much thought until others bring them upon me. Not at all.... I have a more clearer understanding of what you were saying. I can also understand your feelings concerning being in a situation like you experienced. I am Mexican born and raised, of Mayan decent I am not white and often am treated differently by some, I speak with an heavy accent and often some look at me... differently I guess, I'm just weirded out by people who behave in such ways as it's not my nature to judge people by their outer shell. Never has been and maybe that has a lot to do with my upbringing, I'm used to being around people of various cultures and being treated no differently, at least in my youth. It saddens me when people do this. I never used to nor do I still, most of time, enter a situation and think, I'm the only black person, I might think, am I dressed appropriately for the occasion, does my breath stink, etc, but race isn't usually the first thing that comes to mind. Sadly, other people have been making me think more on it these days, but, it won't change who I am and how I view others as far as how I make an assessment of other human beings. I laugh when I think back on my first best camp buddy when we sometimes shared our bed some nights, we were both bed wetters, so not only did we share beds, we shared pee too.  Didn't know which of us was the culprit any given night. I just think I was gifted to have had many of the people in my life I had growing up. Not to say there weren't many bad, but, the good, sustained me and put my mind in, what I believe, is the right place as to how I view others. PS......Forgot to mention my bedwetting buddy was white in case someone was wondering why I even mentioned the story. Point I guess we were ebony and ivory making perfect puddles in harmony.  |
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Post by highlandannie on Aug 23, 2017 12:20:00 GMT -5
Rebecca, sorry if I sound dismissive, I don't mean to. BTW, this past weekend, I spent time in a town that had a lot of confederate flags flying through the air, I also encountered a couple of women in the group who acted as if I didn't exist, there were even a few people at the camp site wearing confederate t-shirts, some people gave me nasty looks. None of those things mattered as most of the women in my group and the majority of the neighboring campers were so wonderful, and I spent as little time as possible thinking on what could go wrong. Many of my group members were very protective of me. I rarely even give these race things much thought until others bring them upon me. I hate that this happened. These hate groups should not be tolerated. I'd find them scary to be around. |
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Post by rosa427 on Aug 23, 2017 12:33:35 GMT -5
Rebecca, sorry if I sound dismissive, I don't mean to. BTW, this past weekend, I spent time in a town that had a lot of confederate flags flying through the air, I also encountered a couple of women in the group who acted as if I didn't exist, there were even a few people at the camp site wearing confederate t-shirts, some people gave me nasty looks. None of those things mattered as most of the women in my group and the majority of the neighboring campers were so wonderful, and I spent as little time as possible thinking on what could go wrong. Many of my group members were very protective of me. I rarely even give these race things much thought until others bring them upon me. I hate that this happened. These hate groups should not be tolerated. I'd find them scary to be around. There were some moments I felt my hairs rising from nervousness, but, each time, I just breathed and let it pass. |
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Post by formerlyme on Aug 23, 2017 13:26:48 GMT -5
rosa427, I am so sorry that some ignorant people made you uncomfortable and nervous on your camping outing, but glad that most others were protective and welcoming toward you. It is unfortunate that there are those who can't see past the superficialities and respect all people. Instead of finding our differences interesting and appreciating our similarities as humans, the ignorant react with fear and, yes, even hatred.
It sucks, but I'm pleased you feel free to express your feelings about it here! #huggy |
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Post by chinadoll1981 on Aug 23, 2017 15:38:57 GMT -5
I can completely understand..... I too, often have been a victim of direct harassment and intimidation for no other reason than just being Chinese. As a psychologist, I believe that most of those behaviors are fueled not only by ignorance but strongly of fear. Rebecca and I have a mutual friend from the FBI, Randah also has been a victim of hate and assault only because she is of the Muslim faith, lucky she carry badge and gun!! I strongly believe that the current environment with the radical white supremacists and others being emphasized and even legitimized by comments from POTUS can only further increase the rift in our society. thank you rosa427 #huggy
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Post by TheSource on Aug 23, 2017 20:16:29 GMT -5
ALL are welcome here at Take Refuge Forum!
It matters not what race, creed, color, religion, political affiliation or anything else a person is except the fact that we are all human here at Take Refuge Forum.
(**personal note: I have never known such a wonderfully diverse and intelligent group of people as we have here now at our forum.)
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Post by tnthomas on Aug 23, 2017 21:23:58 GMT -5
Rebecca, sorry if I sound dismissive, I don't mean to. BTW, this past weekend, I spent time in a town that had a lot of confederate flags flying through the air, I also encountered a couple of women in the group who acted as if I didn't exist, there were even a few people at the camp site wearing confederate t-shirts, some people gave me nasty looks. None of those things mattered as most of the women in my group and the majority of the neighboring campers were so wonderful, and I spent as little time as possible thinking on what could go wrong. Many of my group members were very protective of me. I rarely even give these race things much thought until others bring them upon me. Rosa, sorry to hear about the racial tension going on there, I hope that didn't ruin your camping trip as you were so looking forward to it. I don't mean to stereotype the whole South, but I do see a lingering undercurrent of racial animosity, that is much stronger than for any other part of the country. it's been over 60 years since Rosa Parks was arrested, a lot of progress towards racial equality has been made. I thought society would have been free of racial hatred by now, but sometimes it seems we've just gone in circles. |
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Post by rosa427 on Aug 24, 2017 9:22:36 GMT -5
Rebecca, sorry if I sound dismissive, I don't mean to. BTW, this past weekend, I spent time in a town that had a lot of confederate flags flying through the air, I also encountered a couple of women in the group who acted as if I didn't exist, there were even a few people at the camp site wearing confederate t-shirts, some people gave me nasty looks. None of those things mattered as most of the women in my group and the majority of the neighboring campers were so wonderful, and I spent as little time as possible thinking on what could go wrong. Many of my group members were very protective of me. I rarely even give these race things much thought until others bring them upon me. Rosa, sorry to hear about the racial tension going on there, I hope that didn't ruin your camping trip as you were so looking forward to it. I don't mean to stereotype the whole South, but I do see a lingering undercurrent of racial animosity, that is much stronger than for any other part of the country. it's been over 60 years since Rosa Parks was arrested, a lot of progress towards racial equality has been made. I thought society would have been free of racial hatred by now, but sometimes it seems we've just gone in circles. Thanks T. You must have missed my other thread, my trip wasn't ruined in the least, I had a blast; it was actually one of the best times I've had this year. There was the occasional tense moments, but, that didn't take away from the fun of the experience overall. Frankly, I think looking around me in this country and looking at how many people stand against those on the side of hatred, we've made some great strides, seeing the many non-minorities who are fighting just as hard against bigotry, cause my heart to feel good even in the midst of all the madness. I just have to keep remembering all the good people and focusing less on those who would want to do me harm, while also never becoming complacent and fighting along side everyone else for the betterment of us all. As far as it being worse in the south, I don't know, I recall cross burnings up in NJ not far from the town I lived in, and it being the one and only place I was ever called a nig_er to my face, so even though people are more open about their feelings here, there are many places in the north were the hate exist, but it's a lot more subtle these days. Boston and PA have been notoriously known for such strife and during my high school days in the Bronx, there were race fights breaking out all the time. I lived most of my days up in Westchester Co, NY and racial strife existed big time in some areas and still does. I wasn't directly touched by it much of the time, but, I was aware of it. I know when I started a business in early 2000's, I had to use my then white boyfriend as a front to get me in the door of some local establishments just to negotiate deals or some of these places wouldn't have talked to me. I'm not bitter about those events, just the way is was. |
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Didn't know which of us was the culprit any given night. I just think I was gifted to have had many of the people in my life I had growing up. Not to say there weren't many bad, but, the good, sustained me and put my mind in, what I believe, is the right place as to how I view others. 
